Waiting Cuties

I am part of several orphan advocacy groups on Facebook, so I see pictures and descriptions of waiting children every day. This little guy popped up yesterday and something about him really caught my attention - so I wanted to share him here. Isn’t he ADORABLE?! He has one medical condition that has already been surgically repaired, a heart condition that may or may not need future treatment, and facial paralysis. Nothing that can’t be addressed with good medical care and the love of a family. Plus he’s so cute! His file is currently with an agency and I would be happy to point any interested families in the right direction.

And a new picture of Quinntavius! While I’m always glad to see new pictures, I am so saddened by how miserable he looks. Someone really needs to give this little one a big hug! He has an account on Reece’s Rainbow, so if anyone wants to donate to his fund, that would be so appreciated! I’m not exactly sure what it is about Quinntavius that gets to me so much, but I just know he is very special and would be a wonderful son.

http://reecesrainbow.org/93916/quinntavius

Trusting Kellin

Those who have been following the blog for a while are probably very familiar with the feeding issues we have faced with Kellin, but if there are any new readers out there, here's a summary.

When Kellin came home at 3 1/2 years old, he was used to eating only from bottles (formula and biscuit crumbs mixed with hot water). He weighed 19 1/2 pounds, which is about what my other children weighed around 6-12 months of age. He could not suck from a straw, bite, or chew, and he would not touch any food with his hands. He would not tolerate a spoon or any food near his mouth, unless it was in a bottle. Over the last 18 months, we have worked incredibly hard to put weight on this kid who does not think eating is enjoyable AT ALL. Through hours and hours and hours and hours of work, tears, and vomit (yes, he has always thrown up on a regular basis - at least a few times a week), he has learned to feed himself and chew dry, crunchy finger foods, and he accepts a variety of pureed or slightly lumpy foods (oatmeal, soup, yogurt, etc.). But mealtimes have always been a battle. He doesn't want to be at the table, he doesn't want to eat, so he cries and often throws up all the precious calories I worked to so hard to get into him.

While reading about other families' experiences with feeding issues, I came across the mention of a book called Love Me, Feed Me. After seeing it recommended several times, I decided it couldn't hurt to read it. The book is intended mainly for addressing feeding issues in adopted children. Although it is more common for formerly deprived children to overeat and hoard food, children who dislike eating and are underweight are also addressed in this book.

The main idea is that every child knows - or can learn, through positive eating experiences - how much food his body really needs, and what "full" and "hungry" feel like. The parent's job is to present the food (when, where, and what) and the child's job is to decide how much and which foods to eat, without praise or pressure.

Upon reading this book, I found the whole idea terrifying. After all, Kellin doesn't like to eat! If I didn't make him eat his meals, he'd never eat, right?!

Well, maybe.

We decided to give this a try. We had to modify the whole idea slightly, because a main emphasis is on the child seeing different foods and seeing others eat them. Since Kellin is blind, obviously he misses out on this part of the experience. The program also says not to force children to touch foods until they want to - again, because Kellin is blind, in order for him to "see" what is offered, I do take his hand and have him touch each food while I label it. And because he can't see us eating, we do narrate what we are eating at mealtime sometimes.

So now for each meal and snack, we set out Kellin's food (always at least one food we know he will eat and then at least one food that he is unfamiliar with or hasn't preferred in the past). We choose a mix of spoon foods and finger foods, always offering foods we know he is capable of chewing or foods that may challenge him just a bit. We "show" him what's there, and then let him eat. We try to sit next to him and chat with him, trying not to just talk about the food but about other activities of the day and random chitchat.

So, I know you are wondering . . . is it working??

And the answer is YES! Well, in a lot of ways anyway.

Here are the positive changes we have noticed:
1) Kellin has gone from eating twice a day (breakfast and supper) to eating at least a little bit of food five times a day (three meals and two snacks).
2) He has not thrown up AT ALL - NOT ONCE! - in the last three weeks since we started. He doesn't even gag as much as he used to, although I still hear it now and then.
3) He is happier at the table and sits calmly for most meals (but still has the occasional fussy meal).
4) He is eating a greater variety of foods - but still within his preferred categories of dry, crunchy finger foods and pureed or slightly lumpy foods from a spoon.
5) He will sit for 30 minutes or more and feed himself.

And here are the parts of the program that are difficult:
1) Kellin is eating fewer calories. He's eating much less of the high-calorie oatmeal and soups I previously fed him every day.
2) He seems to have lost weight. His shorts are looser around his waist.
3) He prefers to primarily eat dry cereal and crackers.
4) It is very difficult for me not to put food into his mouth, or to pressure him to eat more, or to praise him when he does eat well.

Overall, we feel that this is successful. Kellin is happier and we are all happier that mealtimes are much more peaceful. We are seeing Kellin actually seem to enjoy food for the first time ever. We LOVE that we are not cleaning up vomit all the time anymore. In theory, by continuing to offer him a variety of foods, he should begin to increase the number and kinds of food he will eat, and in the process, hopefully increase the number of calories he is taking in so he can continue to gain the weight he needs. Time will tell if this will truly work for us - but for now, we are enjoying moving in a positive direction!

Our Big Trip!

We've been planning a big road trip for a while. Back in the spring, we learned that there was a reunion planned for July 30th in Nashville, TN for the children (and their families) who had lived in the Bethel foster care program that Kellin lived in as a baby. When I first heard about it, I thought there was no way we could attempt that long trip with the four kids, but as we talked about it, we realized that it could be doable, if we planned carefully. We packed a separate (labeled) bag for each hotel with the number of outfits that each family member would need for the day or two we were there, and then packed another bag with all the things we would need every night (toiletries, pajamas, diapers, swimsuits, etc.) so we only had to lug in two bags each time we arrived instead of separate suitcases for everyone. We also had a cooler and bag of food so we could picnic in the car or hotel for some meals, and each kid had a backpack with toys and snacks for the long car rides. We planned our trip so we most of our trips were under 5 hours, with the exception of our final day.

So last Saturday, July 23rd, we left home and headed for Illinois. We have family there and spent a couple days seeing some relatives that we hadn't seen for a few years. None of them had met Kellin, so it was special to be able to introduce him.

After we left Illinois, we headed to Indianapolis to spend a couple days. We visited the children's museum and the zoo there, and both were impressive. Kellin wasn't really interested in too many of the exhibits and animals, but he was content (most of the time) to be in his stroller or carried by Daddy.

On Thursday morning, we left Indianapolis, and an hour out of the city, we realized we had left Kellin's playpen in the hotel room. We bought this playpen when Rabbit was a baby, and it has accompanied us on nearly every trip for 11 years. It folded up easily and was very sturdy. Although we've certainly gotten our money's worth from it, I was a little sad to realize it was gone (along with the sheet and blanket that were tucked into it). We decided it was not worth 2 hours of extra driving to go back and get it, though. So for the next few nights, we had to be creative about where Kellin would sleep. Luckily, he does well sleeping just about anywhere, so we used couch cushions and a sleeping bag to create a corner for him in the hotel rooms. He slept just fine. We had a variety of hotel rooms on this trip, from standard rooms with just two beds, to larger suites with fold-out couches and even one family suite with a separate bedroom for the kids (free upgrade - awesome!). We probably tried every combination of sleeping arrangements too, since we discovered that Tigger and Pooh could not successfully share a bed (too much kicking, pushing, stealing covers, etc.) so there was a lot of switching around. But everyone managed to have a spot each night.

Anyway, on Thursday we arrived in Nashville and settled in to the hotel. On Friday, we went to the science center and enjoyed the exhibits there, including one about WOLVES (so Tigger was thrilled). After we left there, we went to tour Hermitage, Andrew Jackson's mansion and grounds. It was a hot day, but still fun to see the fancy mansion and then the much simpler buildings where others lived and worked.

On Saturday, we headed for the reunion! There were quite a few families there with children adopted from Bethel, from little ones like Kellin all the way up to teenagers. It was really special to be able to connect with people who had met Kellin when he was a baby, and it was also reassuring to see the older kids and how well they were getting around with their canes. Kellin is in a unique situation, since he was at Bethel as a baby and then spent two years in the orphanage afterward, whereas most (probably all) of the other kids there were in orphanages when younger and then went to Bethel. All of the children there were probably ahead of Kellin developmentally, at least partly because of the good care they received in those months and years before adoption. Still, I'm glad we went and it gives me great hope for Kellin's future.

Saturday evening we left Nashville and headed for St. Louis (to make the drive shorter the following day). Our hotel here was not quite as nice but we only needed to sleep there and headed out fairly early the next morning. Yesterday was a long day of driving (about 9 hours) but the kids did amazing! We stopped for a few potty breaks but no meal breaks (we ate in the car) and arrived home around suppertime. Whew! The reason we had to rush back was because I had to work first thing this morning; otherwise we probably would have stretched out our trip back as well.

What a trip! I was proud of our children. Yes, we had whining and some arguments, and they got overtired and overexcited, but for the most part, they did really well. We are fortunate that Kellin is really a pretty flexible kid; he likes to have us nearby but as long as we are there (okay, mostly if Daddy is there), he generally handles new environments without much fuss.

If you follow the link below, you can see some of the pictures from our trip.

Pictures of our trip!


In other news:

I have held off blogging about this because I was so scared to jinx it, but we are finally seeing some real progress with Kellin's communication! He has figured out how to use sounds to communicate! He isn't saying real words yet but he is making lots of sounds - mama, me me, baba, booboo, nana, wah-wah, a "huh" sound, and lots of vowel sounds - and he is using them as words! He will have "conversations" with us, babbling back-and-forth. He "sings" along with his favorite songs and will chime in when you say "your turn." He uses these sounds to get attention or help. If you take a toy from him, he will say "me me" to get it back. If you tell him to "say ____," he will make a sound back to you. Most of the time, it doesn't sound like the word you prompted, but still, he is trying! He is sometimes making sounds along with his signs (like making an "ah ah" sound when he signs "all done"). He has made that vital connection that making a sound gets him something he wants. This is our first real indication that Kellin is capable of speaking, and we are so excited! We are working hard on making him "talk" for things that he wants, so he practices often. Can't wait to see what he will accomplish next!

Today

Just over a year ago, I hurt my back. I still don't know exactly what I did, but the pain was intense. It was painful to be in any position, and it was especially painful to walk around, as I couldn't stand up straight. Tigger made me a "cane" out of his brightly colored pipe toys, and I actually used it for several days (and it really helped!). The most difficult part was caring for Kellin - lifting him, taking him up and down the stairs, getting him in and out of his carseat (this would actually bring tears to my eyes, it was so painful). And as luck would have it, this also happened to be the week that Daddy was working out of town, and Rabbit had just broken her foot and was on crutches. So neither of them could help with carrying Kellin around. There were multiple people that suggested that I just make Kellin walk. And he could crawl up and down the stairs, right? I actually laughed at these suggestions. There was no way Kellin could walk around, manage the stairs, get in and out of the car! At that point in time, I found the idea absolutely ridiculous!

And yet . . . look at Kellin today! He does all of these things! I wouldn't have believed it a year ago, but he can walk, he can climb, he can get around the house all on his own. It's truly amazing what he has accomplished!

Today is July 12th. That means exactly 18 months ago, I was in China signing papers to legally make Kellin our son. Wow. The child we have today is so different from the one I met a year and a half ago. A year and a half ago, I was scared to death - excited and happy - but scared about Kellin's future and the future of our family with Kellin in it. And now - now we can't imagine our family without Kellin in it! He teaches us to celebrate the small steps of progress he makes, he gives great hugs, and he adds such a goofy little personality to our family.

On another note . . .

I also have some sad news to share today. If you've been following this blog for a while, you may remember a little guy called Quinntavius.

He is four years old and his special need is a missing right hand and possibly droopy eyelids. He also shows some developmental delays, probably as a result of being in a poor orphanage situation. His last update was nearly a year ago, so who knows what his skills are now, but at that time, they reported he was crawling well (and he can - I've seen a video) and starting to talk.

I reported back in January that he had a family. Unfortunately, I learned yesterday that his family is no longer coming for him and he is waiting again to be chosen. I'm not sure I can adequately express how much this breaks my heart. Four years old, a minor special need (although admittedly with some unknowns), and no one has chosen him?? He needs out of his orphanage desperately!! Where is his family? Several adoption agencies have tried to find him a family, all without success, but I refuse to believe that no one wants this delightful, precious, deserving little boy. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Reality

I want to share one of the harsh realities of the orphan situation in this world.

Children are dying.

Just this week I have heard about three young children who passed away waiting for families. Two had families working to come for them, and the third was still waiting to be chosen. These children died because they didn't have access to the medical care and good nutrition they needed. The treatments that would have saved their lives were not available to them in their home countries because of their disabilities, their orphan status, or simply a lack of money.

These children are just three of likely dozens of unknown orphans that gave up the fight this past week.

If you’re considering adoption, consider this: You could literally save a child’s life. Although we don’t consider ourselves Kellin’s “saviors” and his situation was far from the most desperate I’ve heard of, it is a fact that he may not have survived much longer wasting away in his crib in that orphanage.

If adopting a child with “severe” needs is too intimidating or overwhelming to you, consider this: there are children with all levels of needs available. Obviously, I write mainly about Kellin on this blog and I know many would consider his needs to be more toward the “severe” end of the spectrum, but guess what? There children with more “mild” needs that are waiting, too. Just the other day, I saw an agency posting that they were trying to find a family for an 18-month-old boy with corrected clubfeet. Only 18 months old, with a corrected medical condition – and they hadn’t been able to find him a family. There are children with corrected medical conditions, missing fingers/toes, mild cerebral palsy (which may mean they walk with a limp or have one side of the body that is stronger than the other), cleft lip (treatable with surgery and usually speech therapy), facial or limb differences, hearing and vision impairments (some that only affect one ear or eye), and the list goes on and on. Many of these needs are essentially non-issues with appropriate medical care and/or therapy. If you’re considering adoption, I guarantee you can find a child out there with needs you can handle!

*I realize that the terms "mild" and "severe" are very subjective terms, and that a condition considered by one family to be "severe" may be "mild" or "moderate" to another.

The Last Two Weeks

These last two weeks have been action-packed and fun-filled! Somehow it seems that a whole bunch of our summer activities ended up being scheduled during these two weeks, so we had a very full schedule. I taught summer school in the mornings, Rabbit had a week of theater, Tigger and Pooh started swimming lessons, Pooh had two weeks of tennis lessons, and Kellin had a couple therapy sessions and doctor appointments. Some days, it was nonstop - but lots of fun!

There is no doubt in my mind that it has been good to have Kellin home with us for the summer. We are seeing little steps of progress with him nearly every day. Some of his newest accomplishments are learning to suck from a straw or a pureed food pouch, scooping and eating his oatmeal without help (but still prompting), navigating the pool independently with the help of a floatie, and using more sounds and babbling throughout the day. So excited to see what else this summer brings for him!

A few pictures of our recent activities:

Rabbit in her costume (making a silly face). They performed "Beauty and the Beast" and she was the gardener. She did a fabulous job!

Pooh at his tennis class working hard!

Pool fun!!

When there's a tornado warning and you all end up sitting on the floor in the laundry room (or in a laundry basket):

Watching the construction just down the street. Fascinating!

Pizza time! And a great photobomb by Tigger in the background.

Daddy and Kellin nap!

When you're on your way back from Grandma and Grandpa's house, and you had so much fun, and now you're exhausted! Kellin is not actually sleeping but it's still a sweet picture.

One Who Still Waits

I felt like sharing a brief summary of Kellin’s background, for those readers who may be new to this blog.

On September 1^st, 2011, a baby boy was found abandoned in a field in China. He was estimated to be about three days old. He was taken to the hospital and determined to be healthy, with the exception of eyes that hadn’t formed properly. He was taken to the local orphanage.

He was given a name and spent the next nine months in this orphanage. In June of 2012, he was given the opportunity to go and live in a foster care program that specializes in caring for and teaching children who are blind or visually impaired. When he arrived there, he was described as “skinny and sad.” Over the next several months, he gained weight and became a happy baby. He learned to walk with help and started to babble and imitate sounds. In January of 2013, at age 17 months, due to tragic and unfair circumstances, he was forced to return to the orphanage.

Reports from the orphanage indicate that he spent most of his time in a crib, crying. He spent the next two years in that orphanage, in that crib. He lost the ability to walk and talk. He drank a few bottles of formula each day but was fed nothing else. He actually lost weight between the ages of 18 months and 3 ½ years.

In April 2014, his picture and description was posted on Reece’s Rainbow, and that’s where I first saw him. Somehow, I knew the first moment I saw him. We committed to him within a few days and began the adoption process.

Fast forward through several months of paperwork and fundraising, and on January 11^th, 2015, I met him in a hot, stuffy hotel room in Jinan, China. The next day, he officially became our son and his name was changed to the one we had chosen for him.

Kellin was extremely neglected in his orphanage in China. He was denied even basic things like nutrition, attention, and opportunities to explore his world. Unfortunately, this is true of many blind orphans. Blindness is a devastating disability in orphanages, and it is common for these young children to be left in cribs as Kellin was.

I recently saw a post on Facebook about another child who waits. Her story is strikingly similar to Kellin’s, and I want people to see her.

She is called Lola. She is three years old, blind, and spends most of her time in a crib. She is delayed in all areas of her development. Just like Kellin.

https://waitingchildinfo.com/2013/02/01/lola1/

Lola is young, and she is a girl, which are both factors that make her more attractive to potential adoptive families. However, she is also blind and has developmental delays, factors that work against her. Look how far Kellin has come in 16 months – he is walking, jumping, climbing, eating, cuddling, playing, and enjoying life. Lola could do the same – or more – with a loving family, education, and therapy. Somebody please see the potential and beauty in this precious child.