Two Years Home

Two years ago yesterday, Kellin came home. He met his daddy, sister, and brothers for the first time, and we took our first picture as a family of six. It has been quite the experience these last two years. And since it’s been awhile since I posted an update on Kellin, I thought this was the perfect time to do it.

So . . . two years home . . . how’s Kellin doing?

Kellin continues to move forward with his development, often in teeny tiny little baby steps, but the progress is there. He is accepting expectations at home much more calmly; for example, he will now go through the morning routine of getting dressed and eating breakfast with minimal fussing most days, rather than crying the entire time. He dresses himself as long as I help him grab the clothes the right way, and then he will put them on. He’s using the potty like a champ, and I suspect that once we commit to potty-training, it won’t be too difficult to achieve. I think he’s probably capable of being trained right now, but I just can’t bring myself to commit to revolving my life around that at the moment. I think summer sounds like a good time for potty-training, right?

Kellin’s eating continues to progress very slowly. He’s now eating a variety of spoon foods, like yogurt, soup, spaghettios, creamed corn, oatmeal, baked beans, and applesauce, and he tolerates the chunks in these foods without any difficulty. He doesn’t chew them at all though. He still seems to believe that any food that comes from a spoon is meant to be swallowed whole, no matter what it is. With a lot of prompting, he will spoon-feed himself, but for the most part he has no motivation to pick up the spoon himself unless told. In terms of finger foods, he eats mini sandwich crackers, apples, and a few kinds of cereal (dry). He drinks juice from an open cup or straw independently. Although I would love to see Kellin chewing and eating a greater variety of foods, I have decided that my priority right now is to focus on self-feeding. I figure he certainly could live on soup, yogurt, and crackers for the rest of his life, but I do NOT want to be feeding him for the rest of his life.

Kellin’s weight is now around 27 pounds. This is down from his highest weight this summer of 28 ½ pounds. He has recently been put on a medication that is supposed to increase his appetite. Although we had the bad luck of him getting sick just days after starting it (so we stopped the medicine for a while), we had a couple glimpses of its potential. One evening I sat down to feed him supper (oatmeal), and even though I usually feed him his supper because we’re both tired of the struggle of making him feed himself by that time of day, he took the spoon out of my hand and proceeded to feed himself about 15 bites of oatmeal with NO prompting from me. I swear my mouth was hanging open with shock. I had never seen him eat with such enthusiasm before. We are now resuming the medication and I am excited to see what effect it might have.

Kellin’s skills in communication are moving forward oh-so-slowly. He nods his head “yes” now, and he makes a sound that I believe means “juice.” He says “mama” sometimes and tries to imitate sounds when we ask him. He still gets stuck on using the same sounds over and over, though. He still doesn’t seem to realize that he can make different sounds to communicate different things. He understands much more than he can express.

We are seeing evidence of some impressive thinking skills as well. We’ve noticed that when he plays with his cube toy (still a favorite after two years!), he always holds it a certain way - green side up, pink and purple sides facing out. We still haven’t figured out exactly how he knows which side is which. At first we thought maybe he was using the on/off switch as a cue (it’s very small but it’s on the edge of the green side) but in observing, he doesn’t seem to be touching that. Then we thought maybe it sounded louder or quieter when facing a certain direction, but we can’t hear a difference. There are a couple of tiny holes for the screws in one side, and we think maybe he is feeling for those, but we’re not sure. In any case, he is picking up on something subtle, because no matter how you hand the cube to him, he will turn it until it’s facing the “right” way. And with other toys - he knows exactly how to find the buttons he wants, even on toys that have many small buttons. I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to turn down the volume on his keyboard, only to have him immediately turn it up when I walk away.

Kellin also seems to be gaining an idea of quantity and counting. For example, if I say he needs to take three more bites, he will often open his mouth for the spoon three more times and then stop. Our stairs have 11 steps down, then a landing, and then another 3 steps. When going down the last 3 steps, he always knows when he’s reached the bottom, even though there is no banister or anything that will tell him that, so somehow he is realizing he’s stepped down 3 steps. He loves to “count” Daddy’s fingers - he will hold one hand on Daddy’s thumb, while moving his other hand to each other finger while Daddy counts. He’s very deliberate in touching each one in order.

His pre-Braille skills are really coming along. Kellin now seems very interested in Braille and moves his hands across it just like a sighted preschool child might study the letters and words on the page. He’s not reading yet (obviously) but he’s showing encouraging signs that he will be capable of reading in time.

Kellin is exploring and climbing more. He walks around daycare and even climbs up onto the table if nobody’s watching. Yesterday at the doctor, he walked around the exam room even though it was a totally unfamiliar place to him. He seems to be more confident.

I’m sure I’ve missed some things, but this is long enough, so I will end with some pictures from the last couple months.

Made with her new 3D pen!

Fancy new shoes for Christmas!

With Grandma and Grandpa

Tigger LOVE LOVE LOVES wolves!!

Christmas at Grandma's - wiped out!

See the cube? Green side up, pink and purple facing out!

Kellin with Grandma

Kellin's great-grandma made this quilt for him. All the fabrics have different textures, and she created his name in Braille on it. It is truly a work of art, and so special for Kellin to have.

Brothers

Sleeping cutie!

Yeah, he climbed up there all by himself.

Kellin's Thanksgiving dinner - spaghettios!

Indoor snowball fight with cousins (not real snow, of course)

Thoughts on Adoption

For the past six weeks, I’ve been working hard to fundraise for a precious little four-year-old boy who desperately needs a family. He lives in an orphanage in China, and by all reports, this is not a “good” orphanage. Although, really, there are no “good” orphanages, but some do provide higher quality care than others. This little boy is in this cold orphanage instead of a loving family because he was born missing a hand. That’s it. Just a missing hand. I’m guessing most of us here in the U.S. have met someone with a missing limb or a limb that is formed differently. And usually, it doesn’t really slow them down at all because a missing hand is not a big deal.

So this little boy was abandoned and has spent the last four years in an orphanage. He is now showing significant developmental delays in addition to his missing hand. And that scares away potential families. They think, “What if he can’t catch up?” And I say, “Yes, what if? Does that make him less of a person? Less deserving of love, medical care, therapy, education? Does that mean he doesn’t have potential?” The question that scares me is “How much of his potential is being lost every day he sits in that orphanage? What if he never even has the chance to catch up because no one will take a chance on him?”

Our Kellin is still significantly delayed after almost two years home. He is still mostly nonverbal and needs a lot of help with all his self-care. But two years ago, at age 3 ½, he was too weak to sit up, couldn’t tolerate touch, and ate only from a bottle. He’s come SO FAR! And the update on Quinntavius from when he was 3 ½ shows that he had many more skills than Kellin did.

I can tell you that I personally know of two families who adopted children around 4-5 years old with limb differences. Both of these children were malnourished and more like infants developmentally. And now both of those children are rapidly catching up to their peers. They are walking, talking, and playing. What if this could be Quinntavius’s story too, if only someone would take a leap of faith??

And even if Quinntavius is meant to follow a different path, that doesn’t make his life any less worthy or perfect, just different. I have no doubt he will bring so much joy to a family, as Kellin has brought to ours.

I am truly thankful for every person who has donated and bought bookmarks or muffins to help build Quinntavius’s adoption grant. Every dollar in his account raises the chances that a family will be able to bring him home. The money is important. But a family is more important. Could you be that family for him??

http://reecesrainbow.org/93916/quinntavius

Miracle Makers

Christmas is coming! Okay, I’m not really one of those people who likes to start planning the holidays in October, but there is one part of the holiday season that we’re already excitedly preparing for - the Reece’s Rainbow Miracle of Adoption Christmas Campaign! In past years, this has been called Angel Tree, and our family has participated twice in the past.

In 2013, we advocated and fundraised for a baby with Down Syndrome named Olen. For those readers who may remember him, he FINALLY came home to his family just a couple weeks ago, at age 3 ½. While it’s sad he had to wait so long, I am beyond thrilled that he finally has the love of a family.

In 2014, we were getting ready to travel to China to pick up Kellin, so we didn’t participate in Angel Tree.

Last year, in 2015, you may remember we fundraised for a 10-year-old boy with Down Syndrome named Xander. Sadly, Xander still waits to be chosen.

This year, we have the opportunity to be a warrior for a little guy who is very special to me. If you’ve followed this blog for any length of time, you will recognize . . .

QUINNTAVIUS!!

I consider it such a privilege to shout for this precious little one over this holiday season. We will be doing some fundraisers, so stay tuned for more details!

I’d also like to share that my amazing sister has decided to become a Christmas Miracle Maker this year too! She will be advocating for this little one. Isn’t he adorable??

http://reecesrainbow.org/97726/jude-3

Although the holiday season should be a time of joy, I also find myself heartbroken for these children that will spend Christmas alone. They may be surrounded by other orphans, or the lucky ones may even have caregivers that do care (and the unlucky ones may be even more neglected because their caregivers want to spend time with their own families), but they are still alone, with no mommy or daddy, no one to tell them about the meaning of Christmas, no gifts, no one to make them feel special. It’s truly heartbreaking. This holiday season, please consider helping us help these two little boys.

And in case you’re still wondering WHY we do this -

Read about this little 8-year-old boy. He has a vision impairment and his file has just now (FINALLY) been prepared for adoption:

“This poor boy is plain hurting at his orphanage. He is ignored, abused, and neglected by the very people charged with caring for him. Parents visiting the SWI were instructed to ignore him because he was 'nothing' and 'stupid'. They saw him eating off the ground, because he wasn't offered a plate. When an NGO came to visit him, he was tied to a chair. Another family found this child tied to a potty chair outside in the alley. A family witnessed him fall and hurt himself only to be completely ignored by the staff. This mother responded by helping him up, and sweet Jeremiah was taunted by the nannies that this visitor was now going to be his mother. Obviously, he was destroyed to learn this wasn't true and he wasn't permitted leave when the family did. Those who have met him say he is not hard or angry even after all of that treatment. He's sweet and smart and in desperate need of a family.”

I don't think I need to add anything to that. That's why I care. Because there are so many children just like this little boy out there, waiting and alone.

Happiness

I often see posts on Facebook or blogs about formerly neglected children that have been adopted that talk about how happy the child always is, despite what he/she has been through. They talk about children who are always smiling, who love to have new experiences, who love to play with their new siblings, who find joy in everything. They post pictures of children with huge smiles on their faces.

Kellin’s not really like that. Although he has a fabulous grin and an infectious little giggle that we love to hear, the truth is that he is unhappy a lot of the time. He prefers to be at home, with his toys. He prefers to be carried around whenever possible. He prefers to only do what he chooses to do. Therefore, he does not usually like going in the car, going to public places, walking anywhere, doing any of his own self-care, doing any “work” or therapy tasks, etc. This means that our mornings often look something like this:

I wake up Kellin. I put him on the potty because he stays dry through the night and needs to go right away. He uses the potty and then wants to be cuddled. So I hold him for a while. Then I tell him it’s time to get dressed, and he starts to fuss. I prompt him through his dressing routine (because he can do nearly all of it by himself) and he cries the whole time. After he’s finally dressed, he wants to cuddle. So I hold him for a bit, and then it’s time to head downstairs. As soon as I tell him to go down the stairs, he cries. And cries the whole walk down, and the whole way to the kitchen, moving very slowly. Once we get to the kitchen, he sits on the floor while I make his breakfast. He is often still crying. Once his breakfast is ready, I tell him to walk to his chair at the table. He does, as he cries. Once he is settled in his chair, sometimes he is happier. Some days, he eats his breakfast pretty cheerfully; other days, he fusses through the meal. After he’s finished, I tell him to head upstairs to brush his teeth, and he fusses. He cries as he walks upstairs and he often cries through teeth-brushing. By now it’s time to put on shoes to head out the door for daycare, so he cries about that. He cries as we make him help put his shoes on, and as we get his cane and walk out the door and to the car. Often, he cries for the first few minutes in the car as well. Then when we arrive at daycare, he cries as he climbs out of the car and walks into the house.

You’ll notice that he often fusses through the majority of our morning routine. He fusses because he would prefer that I carry him everywhere, dress him, feed him, and let him spend as much time as he wants with his toys.

I really get tired of this fussing day after day. These are tasks I’ve asked him to do for months. Tasks he is completely capable of doing. Tasks that I never let him get out of even when he fusses at me.

It would be so much easier just to do everything for him and let him be happy.

As parents, we all want our children to be happy. That’s kind of a fundamental part of parenthood. But as I’ve given this a lot of thought, I’ve realized I want something more for my children, especially for Kellin.

I want him to learn.

I want him to do things for himself.

I want him to feel pride in his accomplishments.

I want him to reach his potential.

I want him to know he is capable.

Don’t get me wrong; of course I want Kellin to be happy. But I want him to be happy here in the real world, where there are demands and expectations. I can’t let him stay in his ideal little world, where he plays with his musical toys endlessly and has everything done for him.

I hope that someday it clicks, that he will sit down with his teacher or therapist and just do what they ask, without a protest. I hope that someday he hops out of bed and dresses himself, without a fuss. I hope that someday he sits down at the table and feeds himself a meal, just like that.

I believe that he can do these things. But he doesn’t believe it. So I choose to believe that by teaching him each task and then expecting him to do it (happy or not), he is growing as a person. He is stretching toward his potential. And someday, I hope this will make him happy.

Back to School

The kids have all been back to school for two weeks now and are all settling back into our school year routine really well. AND I remembered to get back-to-school pictures for all of them.

Rabbit started SIXTH GRADE! This means she is now at the middle school - and is one of the lucky students who gets to attend the brand new middle school in our district. The school is beautiful and modern. They have all these funky tables and chairs instead of desks, most classrooms have a wall that can be completely opened up into the common area, and there is all kinds of technology for the students to use. Rabbit even gets her own Chromebook! She has started Spanish, band, and a class devoted to using technology. It's pretty cool. She's enjoying having different teachers throughout the day and has adapted to the middle school environment easily. She's growing up so fast! I hate to admit it, but I think she might be taller than me! Did I mention she's only eleven?!

Tigger is now in THIRD GRADE! He's our only child in elementary school this year. He is having a great time so far, and has a fabulous teacher. He comes home excited about what he's been learning, and I'm amazed at what a great reader he has become. He's still a bundle of enthusiastic energy, and I hope that never changes. To me, that's a defining feature of Tigger's personality.

Kellin started his second year of PRESCHOOL! I'll be honest and say this picture wasn't actually taken on the first day of school, because he was not happy that day, but I managed to get this picture a few days later. Doesn't he look handsome?? Kellin is five years old and would have been eligible for kindergarten this year, but we felt that the obvious decision was for him to attend another year of preschool. He has so much catching up to do. His transition back to school has been much smoother than last year. He still fusses when I walk him into his classroom, and he has his little meltdowns when his teachers and therapists want him to do something, but overall, he's reasonably happy, and he's not coming home cranky and exhausted like he did last fall. That's about as good as I could have hoped for. I'm excited to see what he will achieve this year!

Pooh started PRESCHOOL! This is particularly special to me, since he is my youngest and I now have all four children in school. He LOVES preschool. He attends preschool in the same building where I work and I drive him to daycare on my lunch break, so we have 10 minutes in the car together and he usually talks the whole way about what he did that day at school. I love it! Rabbit and Tigger don't tell me all the details of their day anymore, and Kellin doesn't talk, so I truly appreciate listening to Pooh chatter away about his morning. As an added bonus, Kellin also attends preschool in my building, so when I drop Pooh off at daycare, I also pick up Kellin and bring him back for his afternoon class. So far, it's working well.

Working full-time and having four children in three different schools and various activities requires a lot of organization and planning to make sure that everyone is accounted for and gets where they need to be when they need to be there (with the supplies they need), but I love it and wouldn't change it for anything! I am one blessed mom!

What We've Been Up To

It's been too long since I posted an update! In the past few weeks, we finished up our summer and all headed back to school. I finally managed to get new pictures of the kids up on our living room wall. Every summer, we try to get a good picture of each child to display for the coming year. Usually I get to it in June; this year, it was the end of August. But here are our beautiful and handsome kids!

Rabbit, age 11

Tigger, age 8

Pooh, age 4

Kellin, age 5

On August 29th (Kellin's birthday!), we started our school year routine - the kids off to daycare for a couple weeks until school started, Daddy and I off to prepare for our students this new school year. I was worried about this transition for Kellin, as last fall it was very traumatic and stressful for all of us. I'm happy to report that so far, he seems to be settling in pretty well. He has his fussy moments - at home, daycare, and preschool - but he gets over it.

We are continuing our approach to his eating, although I feel that we are "pushing" him to eat just a little more than we were for a while. I have learned that it doesn't seem to decrease his eating if he is coaxed or praised for eating, unless he gets upset, so I do offer food and put food into his mouth (as long as he is willing). He is tolerating chunks of food much better than he was (soup with small noodles, spaghettios, creamed corn) and swallows bigger mouthfuls than he used to, without gagging. A few weeks back, we were at a restaurant and he was eating crackers or cereal (can't quite remember), but he must have swallowed wrong or gotten something caught in his throat, like we all do occasionally. He started to cough and he spit out the food that was in his mouth - BUT HE DIDN'T THROW UP. I was amazed. Before we changed our approach, he would NEVER have gotten through this without throwing up. So we're still moving forward, but although I haven't dared to actually have him weighed, I'm still pretty sure his weight is down. He has an appointment in a week and we'll see what he really weighs. Gulp. He must be taller though because the pants that fit him last spring are now looking a little short. I'm still on the hunt for a high-calorie, high-nutrient juice for him. Something like Pediasure, but not Pediasure because it's milk-based and he won't drink it. There are juice drinks out there for adults but I can't find anything for kids that seems to be what we need. So we continue to give him regular juice - but the most nutritious, high-calorie stuff I can find (orange juice, green fruit/veggie juice, etc.).

I'll leave you with a few pictures of our last trip of the summer "up North" (if you're from Minnesota, you know what that means!) Most of these are from the bear center we visited, but we also visited a wolf center (remember Tigger LOVES wolves) and went to a music festival. It was a great way to end the summer!

We had an awesome hotel room, which was actually two rooms with beds like this. This was the back bedroom and the front had a bed plus a table and chairs. It was perfect for us!

I'm planning to do another blog post soon about the kids getting back to school. Stay tuned!

Why

In case anyone ever wonders why raising awareness of the forgotten orphans in this world is so important, please go read this family's blog post. This is the reality. And this is not an isolated case. There are many, many other children out there just like the little boy in this story.

http://thesometimes8irons.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-new-8-in-semi-long-nutshell.html