Hard Things

I love being Kellin's mommy. I love his hugs, I love hearing his precious little giggle, and I love seeing all that he has been able to accomplish in the last six months. That being said, I will not claim that it is always easy to be Kellin's mommy. I have tried to keep this blog mainly as a celebration of his progress, but let me take a moment to share some of the hard things:

When I tell Kellin it's time to go in his crib at bedtime, and he gives me a big grin because he is so excited to be left alone in his crib, because he still remembers all that time alone in his crib in the orphanage, and it feels comfortable and familiar.

When I spend 20 minutes patiently coaxing food into his mouth, only to have him throw it all up (sometimes all over me).

When I say "hands down" and "no poking" a million times a day, trying to get Kellin to stop playing with spit and poking his eyes, stimming habits left over from all that time in a crib with nothing to do.

When Kellin is in one of his moods and fusses on and off for long periods of time, and we have no way of truly comforting him, only temporary distractors.

When every new skill has to be carefully, deliberately taught to Kellin, not just "picked up" like most children do. We teach him how to wrap his fingers around a spoon, how to use his thumb and finger to pick up something, how to move and bend his legs to go up and down the stairs, how to reach up and pull down on his shirt to get it over his head, how to put toys into a bucket.

When it has been six months (today!) and Kellin still uses no spoken words to communicate.

When I find myself thinking he's doesn't really look or act all that different, and then we go out into public and people stare. Most people stare out of compassion or curiosity, but occasionally there are people who are just plain rude.



And then there are moments like this that far outweigh the tough moments . . .

Yesterday Kellin came to me all on his own twice. Once he walked, and once he crawled. All by himself. Just because he wanted me to hold him. And then I remember that yes, I do indeed LOVE being Kellin's mommy.