Kellin and His Daddy

Did you know that Kellin LOVES his daddy?

Fast asleep

Kellin seems to be doing well attaching to all of us, but he and Daddy have a special bond. Kellin reaches for Daddy anytime he knows he is close by. He even seems to perk up a bit when he hears the back door open and close, thinking (I'm guessing) that maybe Daddy is home! I think if he had his way, he'd have Daddy holding him 24/7!

A couple weeks ago we took the kids to the circus. None of them had ever been to a circus before, so it was a new experience for them.

We weren't sure how Kellin was going to do though. He is often scared of loud noises and still gets anxious in public places sometimes. The circus was LOUD, no doubt about it, but Kellin was so sweet. He just cuddled up in Daddy's lap and sat calmly throughout the whole show. Sometimes he covered his ears, but he didn't fuss or try to get away. He looked so trusting, so completely secure, knowing that Daddy would keep him safe. It was just the sweetest thing, and in terms of attachment - WOW. We have come so far.

Kellin also tried out a preschool music class and Vacation Bible School in July. I attended with him, of course, and Pooh was there too. Groups of kids making lots of noise are still hard for Kellin, but I did see him become more comfortable as he got more used to everything. It's just a few short weeks now until Kellin starts daycare and then preschool, so we will see how he handles these big changes in his life.

A few recent pictures:

Rabbit and Kellin

Tigger and Kellin outside

Tigger wrote a letter to his idol, Eli Manning, and was thrilled when he received a letter and autograph in response!

Swimming at the lake

Control

For most of his life, Kellin has had very little control over anything. During his time at the orphanage, he couldn't get out of his crib to explore, so he had no control over where he spent his time. He was handed a bottle a few times a day (not seeing where it came from or who was giving it to him), so he had no control over what and when he ate. Most of the time, we believe he did not have anything in his crib to play with, so he had nothing to pick up, shake, move around, put in his mouth, etc. No one listened to his attempts to communicate, so he had no way of telling others what he wanted or needed, or of interacting with others at all. He went from his biological mother, to an orphanage, to a foster home, back to the orphanage, and then to our family. He had no control over any of these moves.

The result of all this lack of control is that, at adoption, Kellin had no idea that anything he did could have any effect on his world. He had no concept of a world that he was allowed to explore, a world where his cries and smiles changed what happened next. As I've said before, he was incredibly passive about everything - he would just sit or lay and wait for whatever happened next. If he was unhappy or needed something, he would whine or fuss but never make any attempt to get anything for himself or communicate in any other way. He had no idea that problems could be solved, and more importantly, that he could try to solve them himself!

This has been a persistent issue with Kellin. Up until just recently, he was very unmotivated to anything for himself, and in many ways, he still is. BUT . . . recently we've seen that he is starting to move around more and more, and he will try and solve simple problems himself:

If he wants something or someone that he can hear but not touch, he walks to find it (or them).

He is exploring his world more, sometimes walking around just to see what he can find (mainly just in the living room and the boys' bedroom).

When his arm got stuck inside his shirt sleeve while putting it on, he used his other hand to pull it down (instead of sitting there and fussing).

When I put a toy inside a bag, he used one hand to work on pulling it out and the other hand to hold the bag in place.

He is using more signs without using our hands.

He is starting to sign "Mama" and seems to have figured out that if he signs it, I might pick him up rather than making him walk. :-)

When he is walking and finds something in his way, sometimes he tries to go around it, and sometimes he even succeeds.

He knows where the landing is when going up and down the steps, and he knows how to turn when he gets there.

If he gets bored with a toy, he moves around to find something else.

He is making more sounds, and they seem more purposeful, like he is trying to communicate. He is making noises that seem to be his attempts to sing along with songs.

These are little things, but to us, they indicate that Kellin is starting to think for himself, which will really help him learn!



Kellin seems to be making some good strides in terms of sensory/security issues as well. For example, he used to HATE food on his face and constantly wiped his face on his sleeve while eating. Now when his face is messy, he'll often just ignore it.

Kellin after breakfast this morning

Kellin used to be scared of any sort of rough play, such as bouncing him (I think because he didn't feel safe). Now he loves to play bouncing games and this morning I was pretending to "drop" him (basically I was holding him and would let go for just a second before grabbing him again) and he thought it was so funny! No fear at all! This is so sweet because I really felt like he was trusting that I would keep him safe.


And just for fun:

Tigger, our resident monkey

Before and After

This past Friday, July 24th, marked Kellin's "six months home" day. Half a year - wow. So let's see what a difference six months have made.

This is Kellin's "Before" picture. It is the only picture we have of Kellin between the ages of 18 months and 3 1/2 years. We believe it was taken in May 2014, so he would have been about 2 years 9 months old.

Here is the "After." It was taken about a year after the first picture, in June 2015, after Kellin was home 5 months. I think the difference is obvious, don't you?

As for other changes:

Before: Weighed 19 pounds
After: Weighs nearly 23 pounds

Before: Preferred to spend nearly all his time laying in a fetal position; too weak to sit up
After: Sits, crawls, stands, walks, climbs stairs

Before: Drank only formula from a bottle
After: Eats a variety of chunky baby foods and some finger foods; tries small bites of table food; drinks from a cup

Before: Easily overstimulated by touch; did not know how to be held (his body either went limp or stiff when picked up)
After: Loves to be held and cuddled

Before: Did not respond to most voices and sounds (except for music, sometimes)
After: Knows familiar voices, understands many words, does the actions along with many songs, and is very aware of sounds around him

Before: Could not (or would not) grasp anything with his hands
After: Has favorite toys and holds/plays with them; holds a spoon, cup, and some finger foods; uses his hands to sign and do actions for songs

And many, many other changes! Adoption really does changes lives!



I wonder what this little guy's "After" picture would look like? Anyone want to adopt him and find out?

http://reecesrainbow.org/93916/quinntavius

Boys' Room

A couple of weeks ago, we made a bedroom change in our house - we moved Kellin in with his two brothers! It was actually kind of a complicated process because in our house, we have just two bedrooms upstairs - one huge one (I think it's around 23'x12' plus an alcove which is maybe 9'x6') and one tiny one (about 10'x10'). As long as we've lived in this house, Eric and I have used the big room and the kids have used the little one (except for Rabbit who gained the privilege of her very own room on the main level of the house a few years ago). All of the kids slept in our room as babies and then moved into the other room as they got a little older. Well, this time, we decided to let the three boys take the big room and we moved into the little one. Moving all that furniture, including dismantling bunk beds, was a full-day job, but the result has been fantastic!

The boys' room looks SO CUTE:

The view from the middle of the room looking right - Pooh's bed

The view looking left from the doorway - Tigger's bed

Kellin's crib (you can see Pooh's bed there on the left and the doorway just beside the crib)

And the alcove - the amazing Lego area!

The other great thing about the room switch is that it is really working well! All three boys seem to be sleeping just fine, and I am sleeping better because I don't wake up every time Kellin moves. The boys are sleeping through each others' noise and are learning not to wake each other up in the morning.

I've seen a lot of progress with Kellin in the last couple weeks and so I thought I'd do an update. Some of his progress is "little things," but still significant:

Kellin crawls up and down the stairs all by himself. For some reason, he still prefers that I am touching him (sometimes just one finger on his back is all he needs) but he does it all by himself. Slowly, and sometimes he fusses a little, but he can do it! Our stairs have a landing, so you go up three stairs and then turn to go up the rest. In the last couple days, I've noticed that Kellin remembers the turn when going up and will turn his body without needing me to remind him.

You all know that Kellin loves to play with water, but he really has no interest in using toys in the water. I've been putting a set of nesting cups in his water table, and the other day, he picked one up and pretended to drink from it. I'm not sure if this was truly pretending or if he expected to get a drink from it, but that kind of "play" is pretty rare with Kellin.

When Kellin picks up toys, he generally licks them, sucks them, bangs on them, bangs them together, or lays his head down on them. Recently he has started shaking toys (like rattles) to make a noise. Yet another way to explore!

Kellin walks across the room to get toys, his blankie, and people like Mommy, Daddy, and Rabbit! Sometimes all I have to do is encourage him to walk to me, and he will! And a few times, he has decided to walk a bit on his own, without being told.

In general, Kellin is much more willing to walk. The other day we were walking across a parking lot to a playground, and he chose to walk the whole way (holding my hand, of course). It took quite a while, but he made it!

He is learning more signs to communicate. He has recently started signing "cube" and "on." He also has put two signs together a couple times. One of the games we are starting to play is that I turn on his cube and "hide" it and then he has to walk and "find" it. I tried "hiding" it on my head while I was sitting on the floor. Kellin walked to me but couldn't figure out where the cube was. So he signed "cube" and then "please." With NO prompting! It was pretty amazing!

When he's motivated enough (meaning when I sing one verse of a song and then won't sing any more until he does it), he can point to his head, ears, mouth, nose, eyes, and toes. For some reason, I just can't get him to point to his tummy.

I am trying hard to find ways to incorporate learning into our routines as much as possible. Kellin has so much to learn but I don't often have long stretches of time to just sit and work with him. Some of the things I am doing:

We sing about going "up" and "down" when climbing the stairs.

I try to make him move his body most of the time instead of me doing it for him. For example, I ask him to lay down when it's time to change his diaper (he understands this!). I tell him to sit down when it's time to change his shirt. When he needs to stand up, I will give him my hand for balance but I don't support him, so he has to use his own strength. I have him walk around as much as he will tolerate (he's getting pretty good at this, unless he's very tired).

I have him try to feed himself some bites of food from a spoon at breakfast and lunch. Supper is his "time off," when I feed him the whole meal. By that time of day, I'm usually too tired to take the extra effort and time to have him feed himself, anyway. And he eats more cooperatively when I feed him.

When he finishes eating, he gets time to play with one of his favorite toys while I clean up. I "hide" a musical toy (under his blankie, under a table, or somewhere on me) and he walks to find it before he gets to play. He's still trying to figure out this whole "hiding" thing and it tends to confuse him, but he doesn't seem to get frustrated.

We talk and sing all the time. Kellin continues to show understanding of more words and phrases all the time. I don't think I could even attempt to make a list of all the words he understands now - it would be too many to remember and list.

Kellin doesn't really like books, but I have found that if I give him one of his books (with textures and/or Braille) and hold him on my lap while I read to Pooh, he sits nicely and will touch and chew on his book. Not exactly reading, but I hope he is starting to understand a little bit about books and stories.

We play turn-taking games with his toys. Rabbit is especially good at doing this. She will ask him for a turn with his toy, and then he has to sign "please" to get it back.

I'm sure there's more, and I'm sure this isn't particularly interesting to many of our readers, but one of the functions of this blog is so I have a record of our journey and Kellin's progress for myself.

And . . . pictures!

Kellin is holding a rock. This is actually a big deal - for a long time,  he HATED things like sand and rocks.

Pooh and Tigger. Seriously, could it get any better?

Tigger reading to Pooh - something they are just starting to enjoy together.

Rabbit at a pool party yesterday - we had a blast!

Tigger "swimming" - actually, he made it across the pool pretty well!

Kellin's grumpy face

And a happy face :)

Modeling her new clothes after a shopping excursion with Grandma. And notice - NO boot on her foot! Rabbit is now walking around on her own!

This Child

What is it about this child that touches my heart so? This is Quinntavius again, or Quinn, or Colby - the other names he has been assigned for advocacy. He is three years old, just a few months younger than my youngest sons. He is missing his right hand, and he has droopy eyelids. Although droopy eyelids can occasionally be associated with other motor or neurological issues, most of the time it is an isolated problem, as far as my research shows. It does require treatment, sometimes surgical, so that the vision is not affected, but generally has no long-term implications if properly treated.

So WHY does this child still wait? I believe it may be because his development is delayed. Although his crawling is strong and coordinated, reports indicate he does not walk. He talks but his language is delayed. I have seen videos of him crawling and I can say that his feet look properly positioned, they don't look like the muscles are tight, and he moves his feet and ankles well. Maybe he doesn't walk because he hasn't has opportunities to try. Maybe he has low muscle tone. Maybe he just has no motivation to try and walk. And the truth of the matter is that if he was a girl of the same age with the same special needs, he probably would have been chosen long ago. A sad but true fact in the world of adoption.

The positives? His videos show a child who looks at people when they speak to him, a child who crawls easily around a room, a child who appears healthy and well-nourished. The orphanage report claims that he can follow directions, is working on potty-training, and can use his hands to pick up things. He has SO MUCH POTENTIAL!

To my knowledge, several families have expressed interest in him. But to date, none have moved forward to adopt him. Where, oh, WHERE is his family?

Hard Things

I love being Kellin's mommy. I love his hugs, I love hearing his precious little giggle, and I love seeing all that he has been able to accomplish in the last six months. That being said, I will not claim that it is always easy to be Kellin's mommy. I have tried to keep this blog mainly as a celebration of his progress, but let me take a moment to share some of the hard things:

When I tell Kellin it's time to go in his crib at bedtime, and he gives me a big grin because he is so excited to be left alone in his crib, because he still remembers all that time alone in his crib in the orphanage, and it feels comfortable and familiar.

When I spend 20 minutes patiently coaxing food into his mouth, only to have him throw it all up (sometimes all over me).

When I say "hands down" and "no poking" a million times a day, trying to get Kellin to stop playing with spit and poking his eyes, stimming habits left over from all that time in a crib with nothing to do.

When Kellin is in one of his moods and fusses on and off for long periods of time, and we have no way of truly comforting him, only temporary distractors.

When every new skill has to be carefully, deliberately taught to Kellin, not just "picked up" like most children do. We teach him how to wrap his fingers around a spoon, how to use his thumb and finger to pick up something, how to move and bend his legs to go up and down the stairs, how to reach up and pull down on his shirt to get it over his head, how to put toys into a bucket.

When it has been six months (today!) and Kellin still uses no spoken words to communicate.

When I find myself thinking he's doesn't really look or act all that different, and then we go out into public and people stare. Most people stare out of compassion or curiosity, but occasionally there are people who are just plain rude.



And then there are moments like this that far outweigh the tough moments . . .

Yesterday Kellin came to me all on his own twice. Once he walked, and once he crawled. All by himself. Just because he wanted me to hold him. And then I remember that yes, I do indeed LOVE being Kellin's mommy.

Moving Forward

My two biggest concerns with Kellin are his communication and his total lack of motivation to do things (or try to do things) on his own.

Although his progress with communication continues to inch along S-L-O-W-L-Y, I have seen some pretty cool things in terms of his motivation lately!

Kellin has walked across a room, many times, to get a favorite toy or person.

Once, he was standing at the couch playing with a musical toy, got bored, got down on the floor, crawled a few feet away, felt around, didn't find anything he wanted, crawled back to the couch, and stood up again to play with his toy.

He heard Daddy reading a story to Pooh, and he crawled across the room to join them.

A few times, he has fed himself his whole snack (baby puffs in a suction bowl so they are easy for him to find) by himself.

He signs "blankie" all the time, without prompting and without using our hands.

He has had a few genuine temper tantrums. Not "I don't understand this" or "I don't know how to do this," but just plain old "I don't want to."  This is not particularly fun for me, but it really shows that he is moving beyond being so passive and starting to assert himself, like a toddler.

He reaches for me and wants me to pick him up. He has been reaching for Daddy for quite a while, but it's been pretty rare that he reaches out for me.


You know that Kellin loves water, so we decided to use some of the gift cards Kellin received at his baby shower to buy him a water table. He LOVES it! I wish I could interest him in playing with toys in the water, but he is only interested in splashing and getting water all over himself. He even loves splashing water into his face!

I wanted to insert a picture of Kellin with his water table here, but I guess that isn't working right now. I will try to include pictures next time.



And another plea for precious little Quinntavius - he needs a family so badly! This little boy is stuck in a not-so-great orphanage and it's suspected that he is largely ignored and neglected. His diagnosed special needs are minor - but it's clear from his videos that he is scared of people, unfamiliar with toys, and probably emotionally traumatized. He needs help! He needs love and acceptance and patience.

Quinntavius http://reecesrainbow.org/93916/quinntavius