Somebody Has a Family . . .

I just have to share that yesterday, I learned that one of the sweet little guys I have blogged about several times before HAS A FAMILY!!

Quinntavius!!

This little boy will soon be an orphan no more!!

His Reece's Rainbow account is still active, if anyone wants to give this family a boost on their journey. http://reecesrainbow.org/93916/quinntavius

One Year Ago . . . January 13th

Kellin slept through the night and woke up about 5:30. He had a bottle and then sat on my lap and we tried to play. I was able to get some smiles and giggles from him, and he let me hold him for quite a while before he became too overstimulated. He already was doing a little bit better with touch. I tried to introduce him to toys. He had no desire to hold anything (other than his blankie) in his hands and he also had no idea that when a toy left his hands, it was still there and he could search for it. It was either there or it wasn't. He wouldn't hold onto or play with any toys, but here you can see I put a ball into his hand and he didn't immediately drop it. Success, of a sort.

He is a handsome boy, though, isn't he?

In many ways, Kellin behaved as though he were deaf as well as blind. He did not react to most sounds, even loud ones. He did not seem to respond to any words (not even his name), even when our guide spoke to him in Chinese. The only kind of sound that got any response was music - his body would get very still and he seemed to be listening when I sang, especially "Twinkle, Twinkle." I must have sung that song hundreds of times during the trip to China.

Anyway, this morning I tried taking Kellin down to the breakfast buffet and offered him many different foods, with no luck whatsoever. I put a little bit of yogurt into his bottle, mixed with his formula, and he did drink that.

Kellin took a nap,

Doesn't he look sweet as he sleeps?

and Dad went out and got Burger King for lunch. The cheeseburger had some sort of unfamiliar sauce on it, but I still thought it was pretty good. After lunch, our guide arrived to take us out for some sight-seeing and to do more paperwork at the notary. We stopped at the springs in Jinan to walk around for a bit. There were many people bringing all kinds of containers and filling them up at the springs - our guide explained that people use it for watering plants, not for drinking. I was carrying Kellin around at this point which quickly became difficult. Although Kellin was not that heavy, he was difficult to carry because he did not hold on or help at all, and in fact, he often fought to get away from the closeness. It was like holding a very restless and wiggling 19-pound weight that absolutely did not want to be held.

After this walk, we went to the notary, which was a quick in-and-out visit. A couple papers to take care of and we were done.

Off to walk around a well-known park in Jinan. This time I tried putting Kellin into this soft baby carrier I had brought along. Although he did not like it any better than being held, it was much easier for me because I didn't have to hold him tightly with my arms to keep him from wiggling away. It was refreshing to be out in the cool air and see the water and trees - a little bit of nature in the middle of a big (polluted) city. We didn't make it long before Kellin became too fussy and restless and we had to head back to the hotel so he could have some alone time in his bed.

No idea what these guys were doing, but it was a fun picture.

After returning to the hotel, we spent some time gazing out the window at the bright light (quickly becoming one of Kellin's favorite things to do). If you look at my face, I think you can see how exhausted I was at this point.

Dad ran out to find supper and returned with food from KFC. Again, it was sort of familiar food (chicken) but with an unfamiliar sauce on it. I was exhausted and we ended up going to bed early.

One Year Ago . . . January 12th

Kellin slept well through the night until early morning. We had nothing planned until our guide would be arriving in the early afternoon to take us to the adoption office to finalize the adoption, so I spent the morning just hanging out with Kellin. He eagerly drank his bottle of formula and crushed-up biscuits. Afterward I gave him a bath. He did not cry but his body tensed up and I suspected that he was not familiar with a bath. It was so nice to get him clean-smelling! As I was choosing clothes for him to wear, I discovered that 18-month size clothes were about right for height (remember he was 3 ½ years old) but they were way, way too baggy. He couldn’t wear regular pants because they wouldn’t stay up around his waist. I chose a one-piece outfit instead.

I discovered that this child, who could not sit up at all on his own, enjoyed standing up (with support) and “walking.” By “walking,” I mean that he would stomp his feet on the floor but not necessarily in any particular direction or pattern (like a young infant does). I would hold his two hands and we walked back and forth across the room, again and again. Over the next couple weeks, Dad and I would take turns walking him back and forth across our hotel rooms, sometimes for what felt like hours at a time.

We also began to suspect that Kellin could see light, despite having been told that he had no vision. He loved the floor-to-ceiling window in the room that looked out over a sort of courtyard (it was a beautiful indoor restaurant area but the ceiling was all skylights so it was bright). Kellin loved to stand at this window, but I learned to stay close because he often lost his balance.

I was determined to see if I could get him to eat something other than just drinking from a bottle. After all, the “schedule” from the orphanage had listed many foods that he supposedly ate on a regular basis. Here I am, trying to get him to try one of the biscuits left by the orphanage staff.

I was so naïve at this point, with no idea how deep Kellin’s eating issues ran, and how intensive a process it would be to teach him to eat. Kellin would not touch the biscuit with his hands or allow me to touch it to his mouth. He would not tolerate a pureed food pouch, straw, or spoon touching his face either, let alone let me put ANYTHING into his mouth other than a bottle. After a couple days of this, there is no way anyone could convince me that the orphanage had fed him anything other than those bottles of formula. He was completely unfamiliar with food in any other form.

I talked with my family at home briefly. Kellin is sitting on my lap here, doing what he wanted to do ALL THE TIME – one finger poking his eye, the other hand flicking his lips, and spit going everywhere.

There was no way to stop him from doing this, short of restraining him. And for a child who generally was very weak, he could muster a surprising strength when he felt confined, leading me to wonder if he had had negative experiences with being restrained. Although I have no evidence that anything like that happened, it is not uncommon for orphanages to tie children to their cribs or otherwise restrain them to make them easier to control.

I tried to hold and play with Kellin throughout the morning.

These show the best moments, but the reality is that Kellin could only tolerate interaction like this for a short time and then I had to put him down in his bed and leave him alone for a while. He did very quickly attach to his blankie, which made me wonder if he had had something similar in his crib in the orphanage. This was his preferred position – on his right side, curled up in a fetal position.

In the early afternoon, we headed out to complete the paperwork to finalize the adoption. Our guide took us first to a small photo place where Kellin and I had to be photographed, and then to a bank to exchange the very large amount of American money I had been carrying around for the last few days (glad to get that taken care of). At both places, the staff remarked on how Kellin was dressed. The weather was in the 50’s and felt very pleasant to us, so I had Kellin dressed in a pair of overalls and a shirt, with a heavy winter coat. I felt that this was appropriate, but in Chinese culture, he was considered significantly underdressed and we received many comments about how inappropriate it was for his legs to be bare (when I held him – his pants would pull up a bit and expose his ankles). Our guide showed us that he was wearing long johns under his pants, as well as three shirts. After leaving the bank, I put a second pair of pants on Kellin to hopefully avoid this for the rest of the day.

Our guide then escorted us to the adoption office, where two of the orphanage staff from the previous day were waiting. Our guide helped us take care of the orphanage donation (a large amount of money paid directly to the orphanage director) and some initial paperwork, and then we waited. And waited and waited. Somehow there had been a miscommunication and the official needed to complete the final paperwork was not there.

Kellin was very restless and became whiny (he still hadn’t had a good cry, but he would whimper). At one point, I gave him a bottle I had brought along (at room temperature) – and the orphanage director remarked on how cold the liquid was. Apparently, children are given bottles made with very hot water in China. Kellin drank it just fine, nevertheless.

The official FINALLY arrived and the paperwork was completed. I had to write a couple paragraphs, promising to care for Kellin and to never abandon him, and I had to sign more papers. I was asked if I really wanted to adopt him, and once I answered yes, everything proceeded smoothly. Kellin was really and truly ours, legally. We still had more paperwork to do in the coming days to get permission to bring him into the U.S., but he was our son from that moment.

After four hours out and about, we headed back to the hotel. By that point, I knew that Kellin desperately needed to be put down in his bed because he was completely overwhelmed with the constant holding and touching, so I put him in his bed as soon as we arrived in the hotel room. Dad went out and got food from Pizza Hut for supper, and the rest of the evening passed quietly.

One Year Ago . . . January 11th

Today we were off to see Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City before taking the train to Jinan (where we would meet Kellin!). Both Tiananmen Square and the Forbidden City were impressive, and busy! I enjoyed seeing these sights, but I couldn’t keep my mind from wandering to the plans for the evening – to meet my son!!

This kind of sight was common in China – bicycles carrying huge loads.

After leaving the Forbidden City, our guide took us to a restaurant for lunch. It appeared to be more of a genuine, local place. 

This was in front of the restaurant

The menu was huge – page after page of choices, each one numbered. The reason for this, we discovered, was because the waiter carried some sort of handheld device and just entered in the numbers for the food we ordered. We ordered several dishes for all of us to share (Dad, our guide, and me) rather than each ordering our own meal as you would in the United States. As with the meal yesterday, the food was delicious! One thing I found interesting was that we had ordered a fair amount of food (at our guide’s insistence) and when there was still food left after eating, he kept trying to persuade us to eat more, mentioning it over and over. I’m not sure if he was offended that we hadn’t eaten more? When I chose to drink just water, our guide insisted on ordering a drink for me – warm coconut milk. I did not enjoy it and managed only a few sips.

Before leaving the restaurant to head to the train station, I went to use the bathroom – and got to experience the “squatty potty” for the first time. I had been warned about this, and I was dreading it, but it wasn’t as uncomfortable as I had feared it might be. I survived!

We were early to the train station but it was kind of fascinating to people-watch for a while. The train was very comfortable with nice seats and a bathroom with a Western-style toilet (thank you very much!). The train ride was only a couple hours – at high speed.

When we arrived in Jinan, it was getting dark. Our guide met us at the train station and escorted us to a car that took us to our hotel. During the ride, our guide informed me that my son was already in town and would be waiting at the hotel!!

Once we arrived at the hotel, the guide spoke to someone on the phone and then told us that we would check in first and Kellin would be brought up to the room. We checked in at the desk and made our way upstairs. We had two rooms with an adjoining door. I had just enough time to put my things down and take off my coat before there was a knock at the door. I opened it – and there stood our guide, another man, and two women, one of whom was holding Kellin.

They came in and Kellin was handed to me. He was bundled in several layers of clothes. I held him, talked to him, touched his face. He did not show any emotion at first, good or bad. He simply allowed me to hold him. After a few minutes, I tickled him and was rewarded with smiles (I would learn in the next few days that smiles were not easy to get from him – so that moment was truly a gift). I started to become aware of how warm it was in the room and I was concerned that he was overheating. But I had heard about how Chinese people tend to dress children much more warmly than we do, and I was worried about offending the adults if I started to undress him. Thankfully, in a few minutes, one of the women suggested we take off his coat. I started to do the mom thing – hold him in one arm while pulling his coat off with the other. This was when I realized how “floppy” and weak he was; there was no way I could support him with one arm and pull his coat off with the other. I eventually had to lay him down on the bed like a young infant to get his coat off.

At this point, my dad called me over the desk where our guide was translating Kellin’s “schedule” (from the orphanage) and explaining the supplies the staff had brought. They had brought one bottle, a can of formula, a package of some sort of hard biscuits that they crushed up and added to his bottle, a few diapers, and the toy and blanket we had sent to him months earlier (still wrapped in plastic so I don't think he had ever used them). I listened to the schedule, which included meal times (and foods they fed him), nap times, and “therapy”/play time. It only took me a day or two to realize that this schedule could not possible be accurate, based on Kellin’s behavior (more on this later).

I signed the 24-hour guardianship papers, and the adults left. My dad disappeared into his room, and I was alone with my new son. I undressed him further to change him into some light pajamas (it was stifling in the room!) and saw for the first time his skinny little body. He was so skinny that I could easily get my hands around his waist, and the diapers I had brought from home (size 3 – what my other children wore as BABIES) were way too big. The one positive was that he was clean, his hair was nicely cut and no sign of lice, his skin was clear without any rashes or scabies, his fingernails were trimmed and clean. He did smell kind of funky, which I think was mostly because his hands and face were generally covered with spit (his favorite “toy”) and his teeth were covered in yellow build-up and his mouth didn’t smell too great.

Kellin was too weak to sit up; when I tried to sit him up, he slumped over on the bed. I tried to hold him, play with him – but he couldn’t handle being held or touched for very long and he didn’t know how to be held – most kids learn how to wrap themselves around another’s body when held, but Kellin either went completely limp or stiff and didn’t hold on at all, so holding him was difficult. It was clear that he was not at all used to being held or touched (thus my feeling that there was no way he received “therapy” and play time with others every day).

This first day, he did not cry at all. You would think this was a positive thing but actually it’s a negative. Crying is a normal, healthy reaction of a young child to a major and confusing life change. It indicates that the child recognizes something is different, is grieving, and is perhaps missing familiar people. Kellin only wanted to curl up on his side in the bed and use his fingers to flick spit around while poking his other finger into his eye. I was overwhelmed with sadness at how neglected he clearly must have been. I will say in all honesty that there were moments when I wondered what in the world I had done and how we were ever going to be able to parent this child.

After a while, I got on the computer so my family could “meet” their new son/brother. It was a short conversation but enough for them to see him.

As I prepared to head to bed, I began to realize that there was no way I would be able to co-sleep with my son, one of the bonding experiences I hoped we could share. He would not tolerate me laying next to him on the bed and would become much more restless and push at me. So with both a happy and sad heart, I went to the other bed and slept.

One Year Ago . . . January 10th

After a fairly decent night sleep, we got up early to have breakfast before heading out for a day of "touristy" things. The breakfast area at the hotel was beautiful with many foods to choose from, including:

I wasn't quite brave enough to try either of these, but we still enjoyed a good breakfast.

After we finished, our guide and driver arrived to take us to the Great Wall. Since it had been dark when we drove the night before, this was the first chance I had to really notice a few things, like:

The infamous China air pollution - nope, that's not fog

It was also an interesting experience to see how people drive in China. Cars have the right of way over pedestrians (so watch out if you are on foot), intersections are pretty much a free-for-all, cars stop suddenly and weave around each other, and seat belts are not at all important (after a few days, we pretty much stopped even bothering to use seat belts - they tended to be either non-existent, non-functioning, or buried in the seat). Although it was funny that on our way to the Great Wall, we approached an accident with police already there. The first thing that both our guide and driver did was reach for their seat belts, in unison. This being our first day in China, both my dad and I were already wearing ours.

When we arrived at the Great Wall, it was still early in the morning and there were very few people there. The weather was probably in the 30's and it was sunny, so we were comfortable in our heavy coats.

My dad and I at the bottom of the Great Wall

We started climbing the stairs which was quite an experience. They were steep and uneven, and I felt dizzy every time I looked behind me. After climbing a ways, I was exhausted and decided not to go further, but my dad kept going. He took this picture from pretty high up.

Wow!

After I walked back down and was waiting for Dad, more and more people started arriving at the Great Wall. I noticed that there were very few people that weren't Asian, and even though I had heard similar stories, it still surprised me when I was approached by two people and asked if they could take my picture. Apparently, seeing a person who is not Asian is quite rare and exciting for some!

And some signs posted at the Great Wall:

We'll keep that in mind . . . 

Good advice!

After leaving the Great Wall, our guide and driver took us a jade factory. At first, I was annoyed because we had not been told we were doing this and I had heard stories from other families about being pressured to purchase expensive jade items. However, the place was actually pretty interesting. The jade pieces were amazing! We didn't purchase anything but enjoyed looking around for awhile. There were very few people there so I did kind of feel like we were being watched but it was still fun. Afterward, we were escorted upstairs to a restaurant and treated to an excellent meal. It was delicious!

It was now early afternoon and we headed back to our hotel. I had been able to connect with someone from the foster home where Kellin lived when he was about 9-17 months old, and she agreed to meet me at the hotel and take me to see Bethel, which is a group foster home specifically for children who are blind or visually impaired.

The drive to get there was about an hour and a half, through city traffic, but I was so glad I went. I saw where Kellin lived during his time there:

And the building next door where he spent his days, his "school:"

I was also able to meet some people who had known and remembered my little guy. They were so happy to know that he would have a family!

I met some of the children too. They were adorable! All were blind or had low vision but they were playing, talking, jumping, and having a great time. This is where I met Robbie, who I have blogged about several times before:

He still needs a family . . . 

I met this little guy, too. He wanted me to hold his hands while he spun around. He needs a family also!

After spending a couple hours at Bethel, I headed back to the hotel, again through heavy city traffic, and arrived back around suppertime. Dad shared with me that he had had his own adventures that afternoon (but that's his story to tell). We decided to walk across the street to McDonald's for supper. We discovered that they were prepared for non-Chinese-speaking customers, since the cashier took one look at us and pulled a picture menu from under the counter so we could point to what we wanted. The chicken sandwich I ordered turned out to be VERY spicy. After eating, we were curious and decided to venture into a sort of store next door, which turned out to be kind of like a market in a basement, with many tiny booths crowded close together, piled with goods, and selling everything you can imagine. Another fascinating experience!

Then back to the hotel. And a chance to talk with my family! Overall, we had fairly good luck keeping in touch with family during the trip, but sometimes the connections were spotty and we couldn't talk long. We talked often enough to keep up with things.

Tomorrow was the big day . . . 

One Year Ago . . . January 8th-9th

Because of the time change (China is 14 hours ahead of us) and the long flight, the day and night got all mixed up and these two days essentially felt like one very long day, so I am blogging about them together.

My dad and I got up around 3 AM that morning, gathered our things, and left for the airport. This is January in the midwest, and snow was in the forecast, so we hoping not to be delayed by weather.

Waiting in the airport - EARLY in the morning

Our first short flight to Detroit went smoothly. We had breakfast there in the airport and settled in to wait for our next flight - the 13-hour one to Beijing. I was able to talk to my family (well, Daddy and Pooh) because it was indeed snowing heavily at home and Daddy had not had to go in to work. Now we were hoping to get out of Detroit before the snow reached us there. We boarded our flight on time and then sat and sat and sat. Finally we were told to get OFF the plane so they could deal with a maintenance issue. Yikes. If there anything you don't want to hear before a 13-hour plane ride, it's that the plane has maintenance issues. However, the delay did give me a chance to check in with my family again, and I learned that Rabbit and Tigger had been dismissed from school early because of the weather also. My family was cosy and snug at home.

Eventually, we were allowed back onto the plane and took off about two hours later than planned. Luckily, just ahead of the snow. The flight was long. Wow, 13+ hours in a seat, no matter how comfortable, is just a LONG time. I dozed on and off, watched a few movies, etc.

As tired as I was, it was so exciting to land in Beijing. China! I was in CHINA!! It felt surreal. I'm not really much a traveler and I could hardly believe I had managed to do this. It was now Friday evening China time (January 9th). I was again grateful for my dad's knowledge of airports as he guided us through the appropriate lines and baggage pick-up, plus he immediately thought of getting some Chinese currency right there in the airport, which came in handy.

Beijing airport

Our guide met us in the airport and escorted us to a car which drove us to our hotel. It was amazing driving through the streets of Beijing, which looked very much like any other big city except for the glaring difference that many of the signs and such were in Chinese characters (there was plenty of English too). And there were people everywhere!

The hotel lobby was huge and stunning. We checked in without any issues and headed up to our rooms. Our rooms were on the same floor but a hallway apart. There were nice, but one feature of the bathrooms made us giggle a bit.

Yep, I'm in the bathroom, fully visible from the bedroom. (There was a curtain you could pull to give you privacy.)

Bottled water was provided in the hotel rooms, which we were grateful for because you cannot drink the tap water in China without risking illness. EVERYONE drinks bottled water. We would learn that it is very cheap and easy to buy large bottles of water just about anywhere.

I also learned that another defining feature of China hotels is that the beds are hard. It seemed that instead of a mattress, it was more like a thin pad on top of a hard board. My first thought was that it was very uncomfortable, but I quickly realized that I was tired enough to sleep just about anywhere, and I slept well that first night in China.

Stay tuned for the next day's adventures . . .

One Year Ago . . . January 7th

One year ago today, I bid my family a very tearful good-bye as they dropped me off at a hotel near the airport so I could be on my way to China early the next morning. I felt such a mix of emotions. I was excited to be so close to meeting Kellin. I was sad at the fact that I wouldn't see my husband or children for over two weeks (and I had never been away from my children for more than a night or two). I was worried about the long flight and the great distance I was going - after all, you never know what could happen, right? And I was scared - scared about this very big thing we were doing, and scared at the knowledge that even when I came home, our family would never be the same.

Of course, the excitement won. And I had a sense of peace that even though this was a scary, life-changing journey, it was the one we were meant to be on. Kellin was our son and I was finally on my way to go and get him!

I knew we had to be up around 3 AM the next morning to be on our way to the airport, but I didn't sleep much anyway. The butterflies in my stomach were enough to keep me awake.

I was lucky enough not to travel alone. My dad met me at the hotel that evening, ready to join me for the entire trip to China. He is an experienced international traveler and many, many times over the next 17 days, he would keep me from being totally lost and unsure of what to do. I am so thankful for his willingness to go on this exciting, life-changing, and hard journey with me.

Please stay tuned for more "One Year Ago . . . " blog posts over the next few weeks!