One Year Home - How is Kellin Doing?

Medical

Kellin is healthy! He’s had several doctor appointments over this past year, along with a number of tests, and has no significant medical issues other than his microphthalmia (small eyes). He also has a mild issue with his hips in that the bones are not quite in the sockets where they belong and he is being monitored for that; however, his doctor feels that it is not a concern that needs to be addressed at this time. Kellin is still somewhat underweight, at just 24 ½ pounds. He has gained about 5 pounds since coming home one year ago and is still below the growth charts. However, he IS gaining weight, and for now, we will have to be content with that. I will share more about the ongoing eating issues below. Kellin has had some colds – runny noses and coughs – but no major illnesses since coming home. He’s also had a couple fevers, but both times they lasted less than a day. In other words, he is amazingly healthy, even healthier than our other kids!

Eating

Kellin has made a lot of progress with his eating. He will pick up, bite, and chew just about any food that is dry and crunchy. His favorites are Cheetos, veggie straws, cereal, and peanut butter crackers. He likes muffins but will not touch them with his fingers or put them in his own mouth. As far as spoon-feeding, he eats oatmeal, yogurt, applesauce and sometimes other foods like scrambled eggs, noodles, soup, and rice but still needs help scooping those foods onto his spoon before he puts them in his mouth. He still struggles a lot with chewing foods that are not dry and crunchy, and often pockets them in his cheek and holds them there for a long time (sometimes until we scoop it back out of his mouth or push it toward his throat for him). He still gags easily and throws up maybe once a week or so. The toughest part of working on the eating issues is that Kellin still does not completely agree that food is a good thing. He does enjoy those few favorite foods but fusses during many meals. Overall, he still eats very little. A typical day would be oatmeal (made with yogurt, pediasure, half and half) for breakfast, along with maybe a few crackers and some orange juice; a container of high-calorie yogurt along with some crackers and orange juice for lunch; crackers and maybe a pureed food pouch along with orange juice for snack; and a pureed food (scrambled eggs, noodles, rice, baby food) along with crackers and orange juice for supper. You’ll notice that he pretty much only drinks orange juice. He will also drink water but of course water has no calories, plus he thinks it’s pretty funny to take a drink and then spit it down his front (he doesn’t do this with orange juice). He will not drink milk. Overall, he has come so far in this year, given that he came home drinking only formula from bottles.

Sleeping

When Kellin came home, he was an awful sleeper. He was up all night, stimming, crying, and giggling in his crib, and not wanting to be held or touched. And then he was exhausted all day and wanted to take 4-hour naps, which if we let him, meant of course he wouldn’t sleep that night again. Over time, though, he figured out this sleep thing. A turning point was when we stopped letting him nap in his crib and instead put him in the living room, with all the household noise around him.  So he stopped taking long naps and instead started sleeping more at night. Now I can say that Kellin is a great sleeper. He almost always sleeps through the night; in fact, he gets up much less often than our other four-year-old.

Dressing

A year ago, Kellin laid limp on the floor when being dressed like a young baby. He did not have the balance to stand while pulling pants up or down, or even sit up while his shirt was put on. But now – now he nearly dresses himself! For pants, he sits on the floor and pulls them onto his legs (with help getting his feet started) and then stands up to pull them up (with a little help pulling them over his diaper in the back). For shirts, I hand them to him the right way and he pulls them over his head and works to push his arms through. I usually put my hands around his waist to help him balance while he works to find the armholes. One thing I’ve noticed is that he used to not even notice if he accidentally put his arm through the neck hole; now he will pull his arm back out and try again. And once his arms are through, he pulls his shirt down. We still do his socks and shoes for him, but he helps put on his coat by pushing his arms through, and he will pull the zipper up and down (once it is threaded for pulling up). He is awesome at getting his hat and mittens off – because he HATES them!

Toileting

Guess who is starting to use the potty?? We bought Kellin a musical potty, so it plays music when it gets wet. And during the last week, he has peed in the potty 1-2 times each day. Potty-training, here we come!! Story for you – the other evening we were waiting at the gymnastics school while Rabbit and Pooh did their classes. I could tell that Kellin was about to poop, so I took him into the bathroom and held him on the toilet. He sat there happily for a while but then signed all done, so I took him down. The instant I stood him up and started to put on his new diaper, he pooped, explosively, ALL OVER. The floor, the diaper, his pants, even the toilet – it was EVERYWHERE. Lucky me, I got to clean their bathroom for them – with baby wipes. NOT my finest parenting moment, but kind of funny to think about now. At least I learned that Kellin can indeed control his poop (he has always preferred to poop standing up).

School and Daycare

Back in September, Kellin started preschool four mornings a week, and daycare during the afternoons and all day Friday. The first couple months were rough. Kellin cried and fussed on and off all day at school and daycare, and then ALL evening. But now that he has adjusted, he is doing fantastic! He works hard at school and is participating in lots of different activities. He likes his teachers and daycare provider and is mostly happy and cooperative for them.

Movement

A year ago, Kellin could not sit, crawl, or stand unsupported. He hated being on his tummy and only wanted to lay on his side. Now he walks independently (in familiar places), walks up and down the stairs, climbs up onto furniture and back down, is starting to walk with a pusher (a pre-cane), and uses a small slide (climbs up the ladder and sits down).

Cognitive

This area is hard to explain, especially since Kellin still does not speak (more about that below). However, we see many indications that there is a lot going on his Kellin’s head. He knows exactly where the windows in our house are and will walk to them, even if it’s not light outside. He even knows where the windows are not supposed to be. One day I held a flashlight near his face on the side opposite the window. He looked at the flashlight, and then turned his head the other way to look for the window, and then back to the flashlight. It was clear he was thinking that there shouldn’t be a light there!

He knows where the heating vents are and loves to curl up in front of them. He knows where his favorite toys are. Although he still enjoys using his cube toy sometimes (the reigning favorite for so many months), his new favorite toy is this keyboard.

Now do you see how many little buttons it has? Kellin has a favorite setting, so we put a bumpy sticker on that particular button, and Kellin will take his two hands and start at either end of the row of buttons until they meet on the bumpy one, and then push it. I find this amazing!

Kellin touches Braille in books as they are read. He searches for things he wants – if he has dropped them or if he can hear them. He knows which hand to put out first when singing the “Hokey Pokey.” He can keep the beat of many songs. He loves to pound on things to explore what they sound like. He explores all kinds of new things by touching, tasting, or pounding.

Communication

Kellin does not speak. He occasionally says something that sounds like a word but doesn’t repeat it. However, he is using several signs (some completely independently and some by moving our hands) – please, all done, blankie, dada, mama, window, water, bye-bye, up, swing, drink, eat, potty, on, and different motions he uses to request certain songs. We are also working on many more signs, hoping to give him a voice. He also understands many, many things. He follows lots of simple directions and reacts appropriately to many comments. He knows the names for many toys, objects, activities, and foods. He does the actions to quite a few songs. He understands “first/then,” meaning that if I say he has to do one thing before he can do what he wants to do, he will often do it.

Attachment

Kellin is without a doubt solidly attached to his daddy. He reaches for Daddy, prefers him above all others, and cries when he needs to leave Daddy. As far as Mommy – I think Kellin is attached to me, but it’s not as strong as his bond with Daddy. Kellin does sometimes fuss a little when I leave him at school or daycare, and he often smiles when I arrive to pick him up. However, when I see him during school (he attends in the building where I work) and say hello to him, he often doesn’t react. Also, if anyone else approaches him while he’s near me or even if I’m holding him, he will sometimes reach out to them to try and get them to pick him up. He doesn’t get upset when I tell him he is staying with Mommy, though. He loves to cuddle but will be just as content to cuddle with his teachers or daycare provider as with me. So . . . attachment is coming but I’m not sure we’re all the way there yet, at least with me. It’s hard to judge sometimes because of course there is no eye contact or language.

Orphanage Behavior

When Kellin arrived home, he had spent the last two years in a crib, alone, without toys or anything else. So all he wanted to do was lay on the floor, preferably on his right side, and use one hand to poke his eye and the other hand to flick his lips up and down while spitting. It was nearly impossible to get him to stop this during those first few weeks. Now? He still does these things but much less often, and he stops when told, at least briefly. He has toys that he likes to play with instead of just with spit.

He still loves his crib. It’s his safe, familiar place. When it’s time to go to bed at night, he gets a big smile on his face, and if he wakes during the night, it’s usually better NOT to pick him up because that tends to make him more upset. However, the positive is that when I go to get him out of his crib in the morning, I usually get a big smile and he is eager to get up.

Kellin still startles easily. If he hears a loud noise or another child crying, he tenses up and puts his arms up near his ears. If he is scolded, he kind of cowers – hunches down and gets very still. He DOES NOT like being held tightly or in any way restrained. We assume that these behaviors are the result of past experiences.

When he arrived home, he was unbelievably passive. To the point that he never tried to do anything for himself. He would never go get anything, and if someone took something from him, he just accepted it without reacting. He would fuss or whine when he wanted something or didn’t like something, but he never tried to do anything about it – just waited for someone to fix it. Now Kellin is really starting to assert himself. He walks to the windows to look out, he walks to the sink and tries to climb up so he can play in the water, he walks to his keyboard and bangs on it to tell someone he wants it turned on, he lets us know (with a good angry cry) when he is not happy about having to be done playing or to leave Daddy. He has very much grown from a passive baby to an assertive toddler.

Favorites

Kellin has lots of likes and dislikes now! He likes cuddling, playing in water, music, swinging, toys that play music when you push buttons, his blankie, looking out windows, being outside (especially if it is sunny, rainy, or windy – so pretty much all the time), singing his favorite songs, and dancing with Daddy.

Social

Kellin is starting to be more aware of other kids but still not too much. He loves his big sister and he is starting to touch and hug his brothers sometimes. At daycare, there is another toddler who likes to come up and hug him, and he is starting to hug back. Kellin hates when other kids are crying and will cover his ears. If someone takes a toy from him, he will reach to take it back.

And . . . pictures!!

One Year Ago . . . January 24th

After an all-too-short night's sleep, we packed up and headed out to the hotel lobby to wait for the shuttle back to the airport.

Trying to rest even though Kellin wouldn't sleep

Waiting in the hotel lobby for the shuttle. Kellin had been crying loudly for quite a while before this picture.

Getting through security was its usual stressful experience, trying to juggle Kellin with the coats and bags, and keep him from disrupting everyone else with his crying. But we made it on the plane, took off on time, and headed home!

My family was waiting near baggage claim for us. My dad stepped aside to let me approach them first. They didn't see me coming until I was practically right in front of them - and then we were together! I was groggy and jet-lagged, and the experience felt surreal. One thing I remember - I had been carrying Kellin around (19 lbs) for a couple weeks by now, and when I went to pick up Pooh (same age), I could barely lift him. I had totally forgotten how heavy he was in comparison.

It had been a LONG, emotional trip - but we were together! Happy Family Day, Kellin!

One Year Ago . . . January 23rd

We were up very early this morning to finish packing and have breakfast before leaving for the airport. Remember that China was 14 hours ahead of our time, so we planned to leave China early this Friday morning and arrive home late this same Friday night.

We arrived early at the Guangzhou airport and settled in to wait for our first short flight, which would take us to Shanghai. We learned that we would have to pick up our luggage in Shanghai and re-check it for the international flight. Kellin was not happy with all the holding as we went through security and he made it known to everyone. It was very awkward to hold him as he wiggled and fussed, and also take care of coats and bags. Once we could sit and he could be left alone for a bit, he calmed down.

Waiting in the Guangzhou airport - so far, so good!

Our first flight was only a couple hours and went smoothly. We were served a meal of somewhat unfamiliar foods, including this "Herbal Jelly" (pictured below) that we could not identify at all, even after opening it up. We were not brave enough to eat it.

We reached Shanghai around 10:00, I think. I immediately put Kellin into the baby carrier for walking through the airport, which of course did not make him happy but made it SO much easier for me to carry things and hang on to him. When I was holding him just with my arms, it was nearly impossible to hang on to him while he pushed at me and squirmed to get down, and my arms would be aching very quickly. Our next flight (to Detroit, USA!) was not until around 5 that evening, so we had planned to check our bags right away and then explore the airport, which was very large. Unfortunately, when we approached the desk, we were told that we could not check our bags until 2:30, which meant we were stuck baby-sitting our luggage for several hours. So much for exploring. Kellin did pretty well hanging out for the next few hours, and drank his bottle nicely. 

When it neared 2:30, we joined the line for checking our luggage, which included several other adoptive families. I tried holding Kellin and when that grew exhausting as he cried and fought against me, I put Kellin back into the carrier and he continued to cry and scream. I swayed and rocked and sang "Twinkle, Twinkle" over and over, but he would not be calmed. Finally, one of the airline employees unhooked the rope and ushered us through ahead of the other waiting people.

We checked our luggage and found our gate. There were plenty of empty seats in the waiting area, so Kellin and I sat down to calm him, while Dad bought a few things and then found a place to change our remaining Chinese currency to American dollars. I changed Kellin into a sleeper for the long flight and measured out formula and rice cereal into his bottles, so they could be easily made up on the plane just by adding water. We were as ready as we were going to be!

We boarded our flight on time. We were seated near the back of the plane and there were other adoptive families seated near us. This turned out to be a good thing, because for what felt like forever, Kellin cried. And cried. And cried. I think it was actually maybe 45 minutes, but I could not calm him, no matter what I did. I tried rocking him, singing to him, giving him a bottle, holding him, putting him down - everything. And nothing worked. I felt so desperate at that point - what if Kellin cried the entire flight?? We were in a row of 4 seats, and the fourth was not booked, so Dad and I took the end seats, leaving two seats between us for Kellin to lay down in. After his crying spell, he fell asleep. We sat on the plane, not moving, for too long, before the pilot announced that there was a line for the runway and we would be taking off much later than planned. This caused quite a stir around us, because most people (including us) had connecting flights to make that they would probably miss because of the delay. I think we finally took off about two hours late.

This was a long flight. There is no other way to describe it. On the flight to China, I hadn't had Kellin, so I had managed to sleep some and relax. During this flight, Kellin thankfully did sleep about 8 hours, but that meant I spent those 8 hours making sure I stayed awake to watch him so he didn't roll off the seat. I played some games on the screen in front of me, but mostly I watched Kellin sleep. I shouldn't complain because I know I was more fortunate than some, in that Kellin did sleep for more than half the flight and when he woke up, he was pretty calm as long as I left him alone to "stim" in his seat.

As we approached our landing in Detroit, we knew our chances of making our connecting flight were slim to none. I was so disappointed that I wouldn't be seeing my family or going home this night. When we finally landed, everyone was off the plane at top speed, hoping to make flights or get on another flight yet that night. We had to go through some special line so Kellin's paperwork could be processed, which thankfully was able to be done quickly.

Kellin was getting stressed out again at this point in the baby carrier, and I sang endlessly to him as we collected our luggage. While we were waiting for our luggage, a man approached and asked how Kellin had done on the flight. He said he had a child who was 15 months old who would need to make a long flight soon, and he guessed that Kellin was about that age. How sad that my 3 1/2 year old son was so small and delayed that he appeared to be that young. It was about this time that our flight out of Detroit took off, so we knew we had no chance of making it.

Once we had our luggage, we joined the line of people who were rescheduling their flights. There were a few other adoptive families in line, and I think that all of them were able to get on flights later that evening to their home cities. We were not as fortunate, since there were no more flights to our city that evening. We re-checked our luggage and then the airline booked us a hotel room and gave us directions to the hotel shuttle pick-up area.

The positive here was that Kellin had entered the U.S., paperwork processed, and was now an American citizen. The negative of course was that we were so close to home, and yet couldn't go home until the next morning.

Once we reached the hotel, I was able to call my family on my phone without having to deal with internet or computer issues, and it was great to hear their voices (the time on the picture below is not accurate - it was evening).

We were exhausted and soon went to bed. It was a bit tricky, since we did not have our luggage, only our carry-ons, and while I had enough diapers and formula for Kellin, I hadn't packed anything extra for myself to wear. I would be sleeping in jeans this night!

We tucked Kellin in to the provided playpen and went to bed ourselves. Kellin slept a couple hours, but of course he had slept on the flight so he was not too tired. I was so exhausted that I managed to sleep through his noise for a few hours, but none of us got much sleep that night.

One Year Ago . . . January 22nd

This was our LAST full day in China, assuming we received Kellin's visa as planned. Nothing much going on this day, just cuddles, playing, and packing!

This afternoon, Kellin's visa was delivered and we were all ready to leave China and head HOME in the morning!! I was so anxious to see the rest of my family, and for them to meet their new son/brother! Although I must admit to being nervous about the trip itself, given that Kellin was a very unpredictable child who was not easily soothed when upset, and knowing that he disliked being carried and being around lots of people, both unavoidable parts of the long trip.

One Year Ago . . . January 21st

This was an important day in our adoption process. It was the day of our consulate appointment! We had to go to the U.S. consulate in Guangzhou to complete the final steps to get Kellin's visa. Once we had his visa, we could go home! I had signed the final adoption papers, Kellin had passed his medical exam and TB test, he had his passport, so the last piece was to get his visa. We were so close!

But first thing that morning, a little cuddle time with Grandpa. My dad is an amazing man. To leave his life at home for 2 1/2 weeks to travel with me on an emotional journey with so many unknowns - and to do it all with patience and good humor. I will be forever grateful!

Inside there were a number of adopting families there, and there was a play area with toys, where most of the children were happily playing. Not Kellin, of course. Although I was getting better at keeping Kellin calm in the quiet of our hotel room, all bets were off when we ventured into public, and he was NOT happy during this appointment. Dad held him (fussing) off in a corner while I completed some of the process, and then the people behind the desk had to see Kellin and Dad as well, so they joined me. The process itself was simple - paperwork checks, a quick oath - and then we were done, but the waiting time was stressful for Kellin (and therefore, for us too).

Cameras and phones were not allowed inside the consulate, but here is a picture outside. You can probably see that Kellin is stressed and trying to get me to stop touching him.

Back to the hotel for some calm-down time, and then some fun time!

One Year Ago . . . January 20th

This morning, Kellin and I were sitting on the couch by the window so he could stare outside. The housekeeping staff came in to clean, and when they started up the vacuum, Kellin startled and tried to climb into my lap! I was so touched by the fact that he wanted me to comfort him when he was scared! Baby steps of progress.

The plan was to go shopping with our guide today. When our guide arrived at the hotel, she told us that she had been sick the day before and had been at the hospital the previous evening. She asked if we would mind shopping on our own. Of course we didn't mind, so she and the driver dropped us off and made plans for the driver to return a couple hours later.

I don't remember what this shopping area was called, but it was a long street with numerous shops on both sides of the street, and it was a lot of fun looking at the shops, the people, and the statues along the street. The stroller was again a life-saver for us, since Kellin was pretty content to be pushed along.

As we were waiting for our driver to return, we did some people-watching and took this picture. Sights like this were common in China, but still amazing to me.

One Year Ago . . . January 19th

This day was a total hang-out-in-the-apartment-and-playroom kind of day! I think pictures kind of say it all! The time we spent in the playroom today was the best "play" experience of the whole trip. Even though I still had to take the lead (showing him things, putting toys into his hand, lifting him onto the rocker), he was willing to touch and explore things, and he had fun!! His little personality was starting to shine through, just a bit.

And some quiet time in the apartment, too -

I don't know what it is about this picture, but I find it SO SWEET.