Trusting Kellin

Those who have been following the blog for a while are probably very familiar with the feeding issues we have faced with Kellin, but if there are any new readers out there, here's a summary.

When Kellin came home at 3 1/2 years old, he was used to eating only from bottles (formula and biscuit crumbs mixed with hot water). He weighed 19 1/2 pounds, which is about what my other children weighed around 6-12 months of age. He could not suck from a straw, bite, or chew, and he would not touch any food with his hands. He would not tolerate a spoon or any food near his mouth, unless it was in a bottle. Over the last 18 months, we have worked incredibly hard to put weight on this kid who does not think eating is enjoyable AT ALL. Through hours and hours and hours and hours of work, tears, and vomit (yes, he has always thrown up on a regular basis - at least a few times a week), he has learned to feed himself and chew dry, crunchy finger foods, and he accepts a variety of pureed or slightly lumpy foods (oatmeal, soup, yogurt, etc.). But mealtimes have always been a battle. He doesn't want to be at the table, he doesn't want to eat, so he cries and often throws up all the precious calories I worked to so hard to get into him.

While reading about other families' experiences with feeding issues, I came across the mention of a book called Love Me, Feed Me. After seeing it recommended several times, I decided it couldn't hurt to read it. The book is intended mainly for addressing feeding issues in adopted children. Although it is more common for formerly deprived children to overeat and hoard food, children who dislike eating and are underweight are also addressed in this book.

The main idea is that every child knows - or can learn, through positive eating experiences - how much food his body really needs, and what "full" and "hungry" feel like. The parent's job is to present the food (when, where, and what) and the child's job is to decide how much and which foods to eat, without praise or pressure.

Upon reading this book, I found the whole idea terrifying. After all, Kellin doesn't like to eat! If I didn't make him eat his meals, he'd never eat, right?!

Well, maybe.

We decided to give this a try. We had to modify the whole idea slightly, because a main emphasis is on the child seeing different foods and seeing others eat them. Since Kellin is blind, obviously he misses out on this part of the experience. The program also says not to force children to touch foods until they want to - again, because Kellin is blind, in order for him to "see" what is offered, I do take his hand and have him touch each food while I label it. And because he can't see us eating, we do narrate what we are eating at mealtime sometimes.

So now for each meal and snack, we set out Kellin's food (always at least one food we know he will eat and then at least one food that he is unfamiliar with or hasn't preferred in the past). We choose a mix of spoon foods and finger foods, always offering foods we know he is capable of chewing or foods that may challenge him just a bit. We "show" him what's there, and then let him eat. We try to sit next to him and chat with him, trying not to just talk about the food but about other activities of the day and random chitchat.

So, I know you are wondering . . . is it working??

And the answer is YES! Well, in a lot of ways anyway.

Here are the positive changes we have noticed:
1) Kellin has gone from eating twice a day (breakfast and supper) to eating at least a little bit of food five times a day (three meals and two snacks).
2) He has not thrown up AT ALL - NOT ONCE! - in the last three weeks since we started. He doesn't even gag as much as he used to, although I still hear it now and then.
3) He is happier at the table and sits calmly for most meals (but still has the occasional fussy meal).
4) He is eating a greater variety of foods - but still within his preferred categories of dry, crunchy finger foods and pureed or slightly lumpy foods from a spoon.
5) He will sit for 30 minutes or more and feed himself.

And here are the parts of the program that are difficult:
1) Kellin is eating fewer calories. He's eating much less of the high-calorie oatmeal and soups I previously fed him every day.
2) He seems to have lost weight. His shorts are looser around his waist.
3) He prefers to primarily eat dry cereal and crackers.
4) It is very difficult for me not to put food into his mouth, or to pressure him to eat more, or to praise him when he does eat well.

Overall, we feel that this is successful. Kellin is happier and we are all happier that mealtimes are much more peaceful. We are seeing Kellin actually seem to enjoy food for the first time ever. We LOVE that we are not cleaning up vomit all the time anymore. In theory, by continuing to offer him a variety of foods, he should begin to increase the number and kinds of food he will eat, and in the process, hopefully increase the number of calories he is taking in so he can continue to gain the weight he needs. Time will tell if this will truly work for us - but for now, we are enjoying moving in a positive direction!