Questions

Over the past few months, I have had the opportunity to talk with many, many, many people about our adoption.  And for the most part, I truly enjoy being able to share our experiences with others and share information about the orphan situation in the world.  However, I am coming to realize that there is a series of fairly predictable questions that most people ask.  And even though the people are almost always wonderful, caring, well-meaning, and truly interested, the questions often feel painful.

By far the most commonly asked question:
When do you get him?  Um, we don't know.  Although we can try to guess when we will likely travel, we know that nothing is completely predictable in the adoption process.  Every day of waiting is hard, especially without a specific "due date" to look forward to.

The question that always surprises me a little:
How did you meet him?  We haven't.  In fact, most families involved in an international adoption do not meet their child(ren) before committing to them.  We haven't met our son, but we truly believe he is, in fact, our son.

The question that is perhaps the most painful, usually asked by someone who has discussed our adoption with us previously:
So how is he doing?  We don't know.  The only information we have is his file, which is 1 1/2 years old, and a very brief update provided by the orphanage in May.  The update included one picture, his measurements, and one paragraph of developmental information.  We have no way of getting regular updates on our son's health, well-being, likes/dislikes, and skills.  We have no way of knowing if he is happy or unhappy, if he gets to get out of his crib and play, if he eats solid food or just a bottle, if anyone is working with him to learn new skills despite his blindness.  It is very, very hard to have a child that you cannot see, talk to, hold, feed, comfort, or even hear about from someone else.  It is even harder when you know that your child is in an orphanage, not a loving foster home, and that because he is blind, it is likely that he does not have opportunities to play and learn with other children his age, or to gain independence with things like walking, talking, and feeding himself.

And then of course there is always this comment:
It's ridiculous that it takes so long/costs so much!  Yes, we agree.  But there's nothing we can do about it, so we have to work with it.  We will persevere no matter how long it takes.  We will continue to fundraise and save until we have the funds needed to complete this adoption.  At this point in time, this is just the way things are.

I understand that these are natural questions/comments that would occur to anyone who is unfamiliar with the adoption process.  I understand that people's intentions are never to hurt and are generally motivated by genuine interest and support.  But I miss my son.  And talking about his situation is sometimes hard.