Acceptance

Someone asked me last week what the hardest part of this adoption process has been.  Now I've been asked many, many times "How's it going?" or "How is he adjusting?" but I don't think anyone else has asked specifically about the difficulties.  I wasn't really sure how to answer at that time, but I have given it some thought since, and I've decided that the hardest part is accepting.  Accepting what was done to Kellin during his first 3 1/2 years.  Accepting that there is no way to change those years or to go back and fix them.  Accepting that Kellin is who he is, challenges and delays included.  Accepting that no matter how hard we work, there may or may not be lifelong limitations for Kellin.  I work every day to come to a place of acceptance of Kellin's past, present, and future, and some days, it is hard.

That being said - Kellin continues to progress by leaps and bounds!  He is much more mobile now - he crawls, spins, and scoots around and actually can move quite a distance if he chooses.  We have organized his toys on shelves so that each toy has its own spot and we are trying to teach Kellin to "find" his toys on his own.  This is just starting to work - if we turn on a musical toy on the shelf, he will try to crawl to it, but his ability to locate things by sound is still not great, although he tries hard.  Kellin will now reach down to pick up a toy on the floor while he is standing, and then stand back up, so his balance is really improving!  He is also trying to stand up without holding onto anything, but so far, all he does is get up on his hands and feet in a "bear" position, stay there for a while, and then plop back down.  I'm sure he'll figure out how to get up onto his feet before we know it.

His favorite toy is still the musical cube, but he is really enjoying his toy keyboard too.  Funny thing about that though - it has to be set on the "demo" mode so it plays songs.  If Kellin hits a button and turns the songs off (which happens often), he gets MAD and fusses until someone comes along and turns the demo back on.  It is funny the first couple of times and then it gets kind of frustrating.  After a while, I usually end up putting the keyboard away because he is just too frustrated (and I'm tired of fixing it every couple minutes).

He is using his first "word" consistently - the sign for "all done."  When he is in his chair to eat, he will let us know when he is done.  Sometimes this is hard because he will sign "all done" before he's even eaten, and then it's a dilemma - do we respect the fact that he is communicating and put the food away, or do we coax him to eat just a little because he needs those calories so badly?  Other times, he will eat quite a bit before signing "all done."  Overall, I think he is starting to eat more, but the progress varies; some meals he eats well, and then the next day, he may hardly want to eat at all.  I can't wait until we have an opportunity to weigh him again to see if he's actually gained anything.  He sure hasn't grown out of any clothes or diapers yet.

He is becoming even more of a cuddlebug!  I am at work all day, and when I come home, he often wants to just snuggle in for a while.  It is so sweet.  He's also saying "mama" again more often, but this seems to come and go and I'm never quite sure if he means anything by it.  We'll have to wait and see.

I've been hesitant to post this on the blog in case I jinx it again, but Kellin is sleeping!  Through the night (most nights)!  He sleeps usually eight, sometimes nine hours.  Ahh, rest.

We've been so thankful for the warmer weather because Kellin LOVES to be outside!  He loves the bright sun and for some reason, he really enjoys the feeling of the wind.  He will raise his head up and open his mouth (I think to feel the wind on his tongue).  He's been out for a few walks and a few trips to the park with Daddy and Pooh.

Couple of cute pictures: